Tag Archives: Relationships

Waiting for One

Title: Waiting for One

General information about item:

  • Verbal folklore, proverb
  • Language: Russian
  • Country of origin: Russia
  • Informant: Amanda Durfee
  • Date collected: 10/31/18

Informant Data:

Amanda is a senior at Dartmouth College. She was raised in Wisconsin, but attended a Russian camp during the summer when she was in high school, which is where she learned the proverbs she shared. She has also studied abroad in Russia, and is majoring in the subject at Dartmouth, where she is currently taking coursework in the language.

Contextual Data:

Amanda learned this proverb while at Russian camp in high school. She is also currently taking classes in Russian at Dartmouth to fulfill her major in Russian.

Item

Се́меро одного́ не ждут.

Literal translation: “Seven will not wait for one.”

Meaning: The group as a whole should not suffer for an individual.

Associated file: 

Transcript: “‘Се́меро одного́ не ждут.’ And that translates to, ‘Seven will not wait for one.'”

Informant’s comments:

Amanda didn’t have many comments on this piece of folklore, beyond reaffirming its general meaning of the importance of the group over the importance of the individual.

Collector’s comments:

Again, this proverb was not particularly focused on friendship, per se, as it was on social relations as a whole. I found it to be very collectivistic in its mindset. Similar to another proverb Amanda provided, this one seems focused on obligations rather than on rewarding good behaviors. Interestingly, Amanda did not say that this proverb was Soviet in its origin, unlike the other collectivistic one she provided.

This proverb is structured as almost a commandment, pronouncing a moral judgment that ought to be followed. Its language is absolutist, as if the outcome has already been decided — seven “will not” wait, rather than “should not.” It’s also possible to read it not as a moral judgment, but as a simple statement of facts — regardless of whether or not it is good, seven will not wait for one.

Collector’s name: Zachary Benjamin

The Whole Person

Title: The Whole Person

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant: Shawn Morris
  • Location: Via electronic communication to Lebanon, NH
  • Date: November 13, 2018

Informant Data:

Shawn Morris is an optometrist in the Upper Valley. He is a lifelong Catholic, attended Catholic school, and went to Villanova University for his undergraduate degree. He then attended optometry school. He lives in the Upper Valley now with his wife, Meg, their young daughter, and their dog Rey. He is originally from New Hampshire and is currently a part of the Aquinas House community at Dartmouth (where Meg works).

Contextual Data:

Social Context:

Shawn heard this proverb from his high school football coach at a Catholic high school. Their team had lost 24 games in a row, and spirits were low. That coach said the proverb had been passed down from a Notre Dame football coach to his players in times of difficulty.

Cultural Context:

This proverb is a reminder to never judge someone by their best or worst interaction with you, or at the most extreme ends of what you can see. There is always something more beneath the surface, and a person is worth more than just one day or one experience. People are a collection of days throughout their lives, and in order to see them for how they truly are, you have to consider that. Catholics value the dignity of the whole person (this is a tenet of Catholic social teachings) and believe that the least among us will be first, and that people can always change. This proverb is used in Shawn and Meg’s life as a reminder to always value each other and the people they meet in life for more than just one moment, and to view them as a whole.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“You’re never as good as people say you are when you win, and you’re never as bad as people say you are when you lose.”

Audio Recording:

Collector’s Comments:

This is a two part proverb, with parallel structure. Each half of the proverb again has two parts, that parallel with the previous half. The image is reflective, and the message is that you have to see beyond someone’s worst or best to tell who they truly are. This is one of two Catholic proverbs that doesn’t explicitly use a metaphor to the faith (i.e. sainthood, Christ’s sacrifice) but instead heavily relies on the morals and values of Church teachings to give advice and wisdom.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Relationships

No Greater Gift

Title: No Greater Gift

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant: Caroline Petro
  • Location: Via Phone Call to Massachusetts Area
  • Date: November 1, 2018

Informant Data:

Caroline Petro is a Dartmouth alumna who graduated in June 2018. She is 22 years old. She was born and raised Catholic, though she attended private school instead of Catholic school. She lives in Norwood, Massachusetts, and she currently works on the cape of Massachusetts as an intern for a museum fundraising and marketing department. She has three siblings, one of whom is in training to become a Catholic priest, and her mother recently earned a degree to become a theologian.

Contextual Data:

Cultural Context:

Caroline knows that this proverb originated from somewhere in the Bible, though she doesn’t know where, and says that her family has updated it to apply to their lives. As her family is entirely Catholic, it’s not unusual to her that this would be a statement of deep meaning, and she says that it has become more of a colloquial phrase.

Social Context:

This proverb relies on the metaphor of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to allow all humans to enter heaven, and compares that to laying down our own lives for the good of our friends. It is a reminder to be selfless and giving for a greater meaning in your relationships. Caroline said that she doesn’t often repeat this whole proverb in a serious manner directly to her friends and family, but that it’s mentioned in times where she might need advice on a difficult situation, or when her family is discussing the importance of relationships.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“There is no greater gift than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Interview Audio:

This portion of the interview starts at 9:44. Caroline’s background starts at 0:00.

Collector’s Notes:

The formula is a “than” comparison proverb, as suggested by Dundes. The image is serious at first glance, but colloquially and in true usage is softened. The message uses a callback to Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, and compares that to the love between friends. This is one of just a few overall proverbs that we collected that took religious imagery and turned it into a colloquial phrase that conveyed something more than just the original meaning.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Friends
  • Relationships

Blood of the Covenant

Title: Blood of the Covenant

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant: Caroline Petro
  • Location: Via Phone Call to Massachusetts Area
  • Date: November 1, 2018

Informant Data:

Caroline Petro is a Dartmouth alumna who graduated in June 2018. She is 22 years old. She was born and raised Catholic, though she attended private school instead of Catholic school. She lives in Norwood, Massachusetts, and she currently works on the cape of Massachusetts as an intern for a museum fundraising and marketing department. She has three siblings, one of whom is in training to become a Catholic priest, and her mother recently earned a degree to become a theologian.

Contextual Data:

Social Context:

Caroline has heard this proverb from many different people in its shorter version, but the longer version she heard from her mother a few years ago. Her mother, as above, is a theologian, and studies philosophy and religion. Caroline and her mother are very close, and their faith is a part of their relationship.

Cultural Context:

Caroline said that the better-known proverb is interpreted to mean that the blood of your familial relationships means more than the water of other relationship bonds. But the full proverb, in its Catholic meaning, preferences the blood of the covenant (a metaphor for Christ’s sacrifice, and a commitment) means more than the water of the womb (a metaphor for familial ‘blood’ relationships). This proverb doesn’t say that family or friends are more important than either family or friends—but that the relationship among church members and people who share in that covenant is greater than any other relationship.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Expanding upon the secular proverb:

“Blood is thicker than water.”

Interview Audio:

This proverb (and Caroline’s background) is discussed up to the 9:44 mark.

Collector’s Comments:

The formula is a two part proverb that relies on comparison. The image is a serious reflection on the church’s tenets, and evokes a mental image of the blood of Christ/the cup of wine at church services. The message contradicts the meaning as interpreted by secular culture, and instead preferences church family above “blood” relations or friendships. This is one of few proverbs that doesn’t explicitly state friends or family preferences, but instead values a different kind of relationship above both of those.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Relationships
  • Family
  • Friends

Life Rules

Title: Life Rules

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant: Meg Costantini
  • Location: Meg’s office, Aquinas House, Hanover, NH 03755
  • Date: October 18, 2018

Informant Data:

Meg Costantini is a campus minister at Dartmouth College’s Catholic student center, Aquinas House. She describes herself as a “cradle Catholic,” meaning that she was born and raised Catholic her whole life. She went to public school for grade and high school, Villanova for her undergraduate degree, and got her Masters of Divinity from Notre Dame in 2015. After that, she started her current job. She is married to her husband Shawn, has a one-year-old daughter Lucy, and a baby on the way. (And her dog, Rey, who you’ll hear barking in the audio recording.)

Contextual Data:

Social Data:

Meg heard this proverb while she was studying for her Masters of Divinity at Notre Dame. The director of her program used this as a set of “rules” for them to follow, and wisdom to guide them through their time there. The program was not composed entirely of Catholics, but was taught in a Catholic college and moral setting. This advice was given to the program participants to help them better understand how to relate to one another and build friendships during their time there, but also in a broader context to help them go out into the world with a Catholic mindset in their relationships.

Cultural Data:

This proverb has three parts. First, be your own best advocate means to know yourself before you enter a relationship, and advocate for what you need, because you can’t expect others to read your mind. Go gently means to treat yourself and others gently and with kindness, whether a friend, a partner, or a stranger. Meg said that we often need to love ourselves more than we do—and if you can’t be gentle with yourself, you can’t expect others to do the same. Finally, assume goodwill means to assume that others around you are acting with goodwill, and to think the best of them unless proven otherwise. Don’t assume that others are out to harm you. Though not explicitly using metaphors of Catholicism, these principles encompass a lot of Church teachings on how to treat others and yourself. Meg said she still recalls these principles and tries to keep them close at hand in her daily life, in order to remind herself to treat everyone with dignity.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“First, be your own best advocate, second, go gently, third, assume goodwill.”

Interview Recording:

Volume Warning: Meg’s busy life includes a young baby who liked to stand near the computer and a dog who likes to bark–they are audible and loud on the recording! Listen with care as to your volume.

Collector’s Notes:

The formula of this proverb is a three part piece of advice. The image is upbeat but serious. The message conveys how to properly treat others as well as yourself–an overlooked part of relationships. This is one of only two proverbs that doesn’t have explicitly Catholic metaphors, but it still conveys the heart of Catholic teachings.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Friends
  • Relationships

Saints and Martyrs

Title: Saints and Martyrs

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant Name: Meg Costantini
  • Location: Meg’s office, Aquinas House, Hanover, NH, 03755
  • Date: October 18, 2018

Informant Data:

Meg Costantini is a campus minister at Dartmouth College’s Catholic student center, Aquinas House. She describes herself as a “cradle Catholic,” meaning that she was born and raised Catholic her whole life. She went to public school for grade and high school, Villanova for her undergraduate degree, and got her Masters of Divinity from Notre Dame in 2015. After that, she started her current job. She is married to her husband Shawn, has a one-year-old daughter Lucy, and a baby on the way. (And her dog, Rey, who you’ll hear barking in the audio recording.)

Contextual Data:

Social Context:

Meg said that she heard this proverb from many Catholics, and could recall most recently the priest that she works with saying it in a homily. Homilies take place during Catholic mass services, after the day’s gospel reading, and are intended to preach a message with deeper meaning. Otherwise, they were casual conversations.

Cultural Context:

For Catholics, saints are people who lived out the Church’s teachings to the fullest extent, and martyrs are people who died for the faith. Both serve as role models to modern-day Catholics. This proverb pokes fun at one person needing to act as a martyr in order to live with someone who is a saint—or thinks that they are one. Meg mentioned that this proverb has a special meaning to her in her relationship with her husband; that they take turns being the martyr and the saint to each other. In her mind, this proverb exemplifies that there’s something about interacting with other people that makes us better versions of ourselves. When we interact with real people, with difficult or different personalities, we develop our own selves. The proverb is a reminder that when we feel frustrated with the people we live with (especially in marriage), that is a call to respond in a way that will bring us closer to God.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“It takes a martyr to live with a saint.”

Audio Recording:

Volume Warning: Meg’s busy life includes a young baby who liked to stand near the computer and a dog who likes to bark–they are audible and loud on the recording! Listen with care as to your volume.

This portion of the interview concludes about halfway through the second audio recording.

Collector’s Comments:

The formula of this proverb is two parts, with a statement and a condition. The image is intended to be humorous, though with a heartfelt/serious message behind it. This proverb uses metaphors of Catholicism to diffuse tension, inject humor, and poke fun at humility, while showing that martyrdom and sainthood are valued within the Church. This is one of two proverbs that I collected that focus on sainthood, which seems to be an important goal to strive towards, and certainly imparts morals, as well. Additionally, my informant chose to explain this proverb through her own life as well as through church history, showing a very personal connection.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Family
  • Relationships

Family and Sainthood

Title: Family and Sainthood Proverb

General Information:

  • Verbal lore, Proverb
  • Informant Name: Mike Carlowicz
  • Location: Aquinas House Library, Hanover, NH, 03755
  • Date: October 17, 2018

Informant Data:

Mike Carlowicz is a freshman at Dartmouth College. He was born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school for all of his education before college, and now is involved in the Catholic student center at Dartmouth. He regularly attends Catholic mass at home. His parents are married and he has siblings.

Contextual Data:

Social Context:

Mike heard this proverb separately from a few different priests at his home parish while they were saying a homily, the reflection on the gospel reading for that day’s mass. He later was in the same space as all of those priests, in an informal gathering room like a study or lounge, and asked them if they had all heard it separately or from each other. They had all picked it up on their own, and it was a coincidence that they each preached about it.

Cultural Context:

Mike says this proverb is meaningful to him because as a Catholic, he believes that we should all strive to become saints. He knows that he’s not perfect, but he thinks this proverb exemplifies how much easier it is to be of a saint-like nature around people who aren’t family. Additionally, he says that this proverb points out that while it is more difficult, family may be a more valuable setting in which to try to emulate those qualities. He outlined two reasons for his interpretation. First, it’s easier to be saint-like around others because family members know your past and the motivations behind your actions; for example, if you’re acting with kindness in order to get your way later or gain something for yourself. Family members can more easily recognize your common sins. Second, the family is a more valuable setting in which to try to become a saint, because they can encourage you, support you, and see your progress. Since it is all the more difficult, it is even more impressive to be able to emulate the saints among people who know you deeply and may also know how to provoke you.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“It’s harder to be a saint around your family.”

Interview Audio:

Collector’s Comments:

This is a two part proverb, with a statement and a condition. The image is humorous, but with serious implications, as emphasized by the informant with personal connections to his own life and faith journey. This proverb stresses the importance of sainthood to Catholics, and suggests a method of achieving it (by being most saintlike when it is difficult to do so). As the informant inherited this proverb from several sources at different times, it also seems somewhat ubiquitous.

Collector:

Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018

Tags:

  • Proverbs
  • Catholic Proverbs
  • Family
  • Relationships

Rich Man

Title: Rich Man

General Information about Item:

  • Verbal Lore, proverb
  • Language: Hebrew
  • Informant: Jonathon Schneck
  • Date Collected: 11-03-18

Informant Data:

  • Jonathan Schneck is a student at Dartmouth College, and is currently a senior. He grew up in Long Island, New York. He attended North Shore Hebrew Academy High School. At Dartmouth, he is involved with Chabad, a Jewish student organization.

Contextual Data:

  • Cultural Context: This proverb has religious origins, demonstrating the importance of religious wisdom to this culture. It is said by Ben Zoma (a religious figure) in Chapter Four of Pirkei Avot. Pirkei Avot, known as Ethics of the Fathers in English, is a compilation of the ethical teachings passed down to the Rabbis.
  • Social Context: Jonathon learned this proverb from his father. It is of special importance to him because his father used the proverb to encourage Jonathon to follow his passion and not to follow something for money, or the wrong reasons. This proverb was thus intentionally used to instill wisdom from one generation to the next, in the language of their religion.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

Translation: “Who is a rich man? One who is happy with his portion, as it is said, ‘You shall enjoy the fruit of your labors; you shall be happy and it will be good for you.’ ”

(Where the bolded first part has become the well known proverb)

Associated file (a video, audio, or image file):

 

Informant’s Comments:

  • Jonathon appreciated the structure of this proverb, as it begins with a question and thus brings special attention to it.

Collector’s Comments:

  • I especially like the rhythm of “Who is.. one who”, as it makes the proverb more memorable. It’s interesting this proverb addresses not comparing one’s self to others. I am curious if this is a common theme in the culture.

Collector’s Name: Madison Minsk

Tags/Keywords:

  • Verbal Lore
  • Hebrew Proverb
  • Relationships

Narrow Bridge

Title: Narrow Bridge

General Information about Item:

  • Verbal Lore, proverb
  • Language: Hebrew
  • Informant: Alex Leibowitz
  • Date Collected: 10-24-18

Informant Data:

  • Alex Leibowitz is a Dartmouth 2019 and studies Economics. He is from Scarsdale, NY and is a member of SAE fraternity. He is involved with Chabad on campus. He plans to pursue a career in finance after graduating.

Contextual Data:

  • Cultural Context: The origin of the Proverb is from the teachings of Rabbi Nachman. Rabbi Nachman has a group of followers that might say this proverb to each other. This proverb has also been turned into a children’s song, and it is more common for it to be shared through that medium. Rabbinical teachings are very important in the Jewish culture, as religion is a main source of wisdom. This is demonstrated by the transformation of the teachings of a religious leader into a proverb.
  • Social Context: Alex first heard this proverb in the song, and interprets this proverb as meaning not to look to the side at what others have, or down on others, but to look straight ahead. He believes that relationships can be tenuous and fraught with tension, but that it is important to get past problems by looking ahead. This proverb has been a helpful way for him to remind himself of that.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

“Kol ha-o-lam ku-lo gesher tzar me’od
V’ha-i-kar lo l’fached klal”

Translation:

“The whole world is a very narrow bridge. The important thing is not to be afraid.”

Associated file (a video, audio, or image file):

 

Informant’s Comments:

  • Alex enjoyed that a proverb had been turned into a song, which is a powerful way to spread information, especially among younger people.

Collector’s Comments:

  • I liked this proverb because of its many possible interpretations. In a lot of ways it remains very open ended as to its meaning, allowing it to be applicable in many different situations.

Collector’s Name: Madison Minsk

Tags/Keywords:

  • Verbal Lore
  • Hebrew Proverb
  • Relationships

 

Enemy’s Downfall – Humorous Version

Title: Enemy’s Downfall- Humorous Version

General Information about Item: 

  • Verbal Lore, proverb
  • Language: English (Hebrew, Yiddish)
  • Informant: Sarah Katzenell
  • Date Collected: 29 October 2018

Informant Data

  • Sarah Katzenell was born in Jerusalem and raised in Jerusalem through the early 2000s. Her family was Jewish and Israeli, and Sarah speaks fluent Hebrew and English and knows limited amounts of Yiddish. She moved to Hanover, NH with her husband to receive a PhD in immunology, and now works as a post doctorate researcher in a biochemistry lab at Dartmouth College.

Contextual Data

  • Social Context: Sarah says that she has heard or used this proverb only in a professional setting, such as at work or with adult friends. Situations in which she has used the phrase in her life include finding out that a rival lab has failed to publish, or back in Israel with Palestine would do something that harmed their own country. Sarah said that the proverb is usually said with a hint of irony, and can be used to reassure yourself and others near you that it is acceptable in certain scenarios to not be upset when something bad happens to another. As it would seem like an ethical dilemma to publicly display happy or celebratory emotions when others are suffering, the proverb provides an “out” from this moral binding in which one reminds themselves and friends that the victim person, corporation, or nation has purposefully wished you ill in the past and it is therefore acceptable to not feel a need to assist them back.
  • Cultural Context: Sarah has heard the proverb in English, Yiddish, and Hebrew, but tends to use it in English. English and Hebrew are both frequently spoken by one person in Israel.

Item

The piece as recited by Sarah in English as this is how she usually uses the proverb. (Note that in Israel, the majority of people are fluent and communicate in both English and Hebrew.)

“If your enemy falls down, don’t rejoice! But also, do not help them get up too fast.”

 

Collector’s Notes

  • I was particularly fascinated by this proverb as it is clearly similar (and likely derived from) its religious counterpart recounted by Shoshana Zohar above, “Do not rejoice at your enemy’s downfall.” This type of “conversion” from more Biblical to humorous proverbs was also seen in one of the Catholic proverbs collected within my group. Based on the way this proverb is used in the same situation as its more serious counterpart, but to elicit a different response (humor vs shame in response to a reprimand), it seems possible this proverb is meant to pick fun at the Biblical teaching. This would be consistent with the more cynical and dry humor of the other Yiddish proverbs I collected.

Collector’s Name: Hannah Margolis

Hannah Margolis, 20

Hinman Box 2464

Dartmouth College

Hanover, NH 03755

Russian 13

Fall 2018

Tags/Keywords 

  • Verbal Lore
  • Proverbs
  • Yiddish Proverb
  • Relationships
  • Enemy