Tag Archives: Friends

Cost of Friends vs Enemies

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Title: Cost of Friends vs Enemies

General Information about Item: 

  • Verbal Lore, proverb
  • Language: English
  • Informant: Sarah Katzenell
  • Date Collected: 29 October 2018

Informant Data

  • Sarah Katzenell was born in Jerusalem and raised in Jerusalem through the early 2000s. Her family was Jewish and Israeli, and Sarah speaks fluent Hebrew and English and knows limited amounts of Yiddish. She moved to Hanover, NH with her husband to receive a PhD in immunology, and now works as a post doctorate researcher in a biochemistry lab at Dartmouth College.

Contextual Data

  • Social Context: Sarah says that she has often heard or used this proverb in her daily life when discussing personal relationships. For instance, she says that the proverb would be appropriately invoked when someone is complaining about the work and time that is required to make a friend or when fretting about something trivial that they feel has made someone dislike them. Especially when speaking with young children who are first learning to make and maintain friends, Sarah believes the proverb offers excellent advice as a way to remind people that you must work hard for friends, but it is worth it. Similarly, it is important to be reminded that sometimes people dislike us for reasons that are not worth getting personally upset over. The proverb is therefore told in a way that is humorous, relieves tension from a strained relationship, but is often meant to be met with relief or appreciation that relationships in general are complicated.
  • Cultural Context: Sarah has heard the proverb in English, Yiddish, and Hebrew, but tends to use it in English. English and Hebrew are both frequently spoken by one person in Israel.

Item

The piece was recited in English by Sarah as this is how she uses it most frequently.

“Friends cost money, but enemies are for free.”

 

Collector’s Notes

  • This proverb does not fit into the structures suggested by Dundes, but clearly relies on parallelism (friends cost money vs enemies cost no money). I was interested in this proverb as an example of a more humorous proverb that Sarah suggested was originally Yiddish in nature (although she does not speak Yiddish and instead knows it in English). As common in Yiddish proverbs that I collected, this proverb demonstrates a rather cynical and dry humor that takes an unpleasant fact of life and makes it laughable (compare to “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t!). Furthermore, the humorous nature of this proverb once again provides a great example of the way proverbs are used to dispel tension while providing advice.

Collector’s Name: Hannah Margolis

Hannah Margolis, 20

Hinman Box 2464

Dartmouth College

Hanover, NH 03755

Russian 13

Fall 2018

Tags/Keywords 

  • Verbal Lore
  • Proverbs
  • Yiddish Proverb
  • Relationships
  • Friends
  • Enemies

 

Difficult Person

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Title: Difficult Person

General Information about Item: 

  • Verbal Lore, proverb
  • Language: English and Yiddish
  • Informant: Hannah Margolis
  • Date Collected: 28 October 2018

Informant Data

  • Hannah K Margolis was born and raised in north-eastern Nevada. She is Jewish by birth, and her mother, father, and father’s parents all practiced Judaism actively throughout her early life. Her grandparents spoke and could read both Yiddish and English, so when Hannah visited them in Baltimore she was exposed to Yiddish sayings and their contexts.

Contextual Data

  • Cultural Context: Although Hannah doesn’t remember when or where she first started using the proverb in question, it was likely picked up during her childhood from her grandparents. She uses the proverb as advice when someone mentions having to deal with a difficult person- often someone they don’t get along with from former experience. Most often, she would invoke it when a difficult relative was visiting and someone mentioned dreading the visit.
  • Social Context: The proverb itself is meant to be met with amusement and is used casually. Often, the amusement can help relax the tense situation of awaiting said relative or acquaintance’s arrival. To Hannah, the proverb should convey a sense of relief and reminder that it is better to deal with a difficult person you do know than a difficult person you do not know as when dealing with someone you do know, you can at least be aware of what is ahead, manage expectations, and have experience on how to make the encounter less difficult. The proverb can be said to people of all ages and regardless of which family member or acquaintance they are experiencing difficulty with.

Item

The piece was recalled in its English version, which is how Hannah has always used it. She is aware that the piece also has a Yiddish translation from which it originated, which she looked up and provided.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t!”

Translation to Yiddish-

“Besser mitn taivel vos m’ken eider mitn taivel vos, ‘ken im nit!”

 

Collector’s Comments

  • This proverb is a clear example of Dundes’ “Better _______ than ______ structure” and  a clear example of a Yiddish proverb. Particularly in English, this proverb had the interesting characteristic in that it is rather a mouthful to say and has a specific rhythm to it. Given that this proverb is used to dispel tension through humor (as well as give advice), I have speculated that the rhythm and clunkiness of the English saying within itself provides a way of diverting a conversation out of concerns over a relatives visit and into the proverb and humorous response to follow.

Collector’s Name: Hannah Margolis

Hannah Margolis, 20

Hinman Box 2464

Dartmouth College

Hanover, NH 03755

Russian 13

Fall 2018

Tags/Keywords 

  • Verbal Lore
  • Proverbs
  • Yiddish Proverb
  • Relationships
  • Family
  • Friends

 

 

Behind Our Backs

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Title: Behind Our Backs

General Information about Item:

  • Verbal Folkore, Proverb
  • Language: Chinese
  • Country of Origin: China
  • Informant: Sydney Zhou
  • Date Collected: 10-17-18

Informant Data:

Sydney Zhou is a senior Engineering student at Dartmouth College, pursuing medical school. She was born and raised in Plano, Texas. Her parents immigrated to the United States from China before her birth. Her parents were dedicated in preserving ties to Chinese culture for their children, even while attempting to assimilate into American culture and learn English. Sydney grew up celebrating Chinese holidays, as well as attending Chinese school to learn how to read and write Chinese.

Contextual Data:

Sydney heard this proverb from her mother in elementary school. She was having a difficult time dealing with her friends at the time. She was venting to her mother, when she told Sydney this particular proverb. Since then, Sydney has remembered it whenever she has to face a challenge with a friend that may not be speaking well of her.

Item:

Orally transmitted proverb:

背后说好话，才是真朋友

Bèihòu shuō hǎohuà, cái shì zhēn péngyǒu

He is a good friend that speaks well of us behind our backs

 

Associated file (a video, audio, or image file):

Transcript:

  • Bèihòu shuō hǎohuà, cái shì zhēn péngyǒu
  • The translation of my proverb is he is a good friend that speaks well of us behind our backs. I heard this proverb from my mom in elementary school. I was having a hard time with my friends and I was telling her about the problems I was having. My mom is from China and is always quoting Chinese proverbs. She told me this proverb after I told her about all my friend drama. I still remember it today when another issue with my friends comes up. This proverb means that you are supposed to trust your friend to do the right thing – even if you’re not there. You’ll most likely hear this proverb when your confronting difficulties in your relationships.

Informant’s Comments:

Sydney says this proverb is meaningful because she believes this exemplifies what a true friend is supposed to be. She believes that there are multiple dimensions to this proverb. There is the obvious meaning of what a friend is supposed to do – which is to speak well of their friend even when they are not there. However, she also discusses how friendship is a relationship that goes beyond pretense. It consists of a trust deep enough that one would not have to worry about what their friend is doing or saying when they are not there to witness it. She explains that this is an integral part of friendship, and this level of trust is something she looks for in each of her relationships in her life, friend or otherwise.

Collector’s Comments:

Sydney deals with constant stress as a pre-Med student and an Engineering major. She needs the stability of her friends to help her get through challenges, which is demonstrated through her remembrance of this particular proverb. The proverb follows an inverted if-then structure, giving the result first before the cause.

Collector’s Name: Rachel

Tags/Keywords:

  • Chinese
  • Friends
  • Company