Cost of Friends vs Enemies

Title: Cost of Friends vs Enemies

General Information about Item:

Informant Data

Sarah Katzenell was born in Jerusalem and raised in Jerusalem through the early 2000s. Her family was Jewish and Israeli, and Sarah speaks fluent Hebrew and English and knows limited amounts of Yiddish. She moved to Hanover, NH with her husband to receive a PhD in immunology, and now works as a post doctorate researcher in a biochemistry lab at Dartmouth College.

Contextual Data

Social Context: Sarah says that she has often heard or used this proverb in her daily life when discussing personal relationships. For instance, she says that the proverb would be appropriately invoked when someone is complaining about the work and time that is required to make a friend or when fretting about something trivial that they feel has made someone dislike them. Especially when speaking with young children who are first learning to make and maintain friends, Sarah believes the proverb offers excellent advice as a way to remind people that you must work hard for friends, but it is worth it. Similarly, it is important to be reminded that sometimes people dislike us for reasons that are not worth getting personally upset over. The proverb is therefore told in a way that is humorous, relieves tension from a strained relationship, but is often meant to be met with relief or appreciation that relationships in general are complicated.
Cultural Context: Sarah has heard the proverb in English, Yiddish, and Hebrew, but tends to use it in English. English and Hebrew are both frequently spoken by one person in Israel.

Item

The piece was recited in English by Sarah as this is how she uses it most frequently.

“Friends cost money, but enemies are for free.”

Collector’s Notes

This proverb does not fit into the structures suggested by Dundes, but clearly relies on parallelism (friends cost money vs enemies cost no money). I was interested in this proverb as an example of a more humorous proverb that Sarah suggested was originally Yiddish in nature (although she does not speak Yiddish and instead knows it in English). As common in Yiddish proverbs that I collected, this proverb demonstrates a rather cynical and dry humor that takes an unpleasant fact of life and makes it laughable (compare to “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t!). Furthermore, the humorous nature of this proverb once again provides a great example of the way proverbs are used to dispel tension while providing advice.

Collector’s Name: Hannah Margolis

Hannah Margolis, 20

Hinman Box 2464

Dartmouth College

Hanover, NH 03755

Russian 13

Fall 2018

Tags/Keywords

Dartmouth Folklore Archive