Teddy, I think the most pressing place for you to begin your revision is with organization: I’m not sure the paragraphs make sense in this order. Consider creating a reverse outline in which you describe the purpose or main idea of each paragraph. Once you’ve done that, re-order your paragraphs so that connected ideas follow one another.

*Reordering the paragraphs

*Transitional sentences that connect paragraphs

*Introducing sources so the reader understands why those are credible sources

Megan McIntyre, Jan 20 at 11:34pm