Therapy is helpful, but it is also incredibly frustrating. I’m no stranger to the neutral walls and padded seating of a therapist’s office, nor am I unfamiliar with the phrases that get passed from one CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) specialist to another.
A least favorite of mine is “thought challenging”, in which one is taught to argue against negative thoughts with comforting, more optimistic ones. This tried-and-true tactic can feel insultingly intuitive. When the concept was taught to me, I was less than impressed: if it was truly possible to replace your own cognitive distortions with happy thoughts, therapists would be entirely obsolete. It only took me a few weeks to realize that therapists play an important role in the process of changing the way you think, a daunting task to take on by yourself. Through therapy, I began to break tired thought cycles and practice more constructive self-talk. In order to do so, I had to grow comfortable with sickly sweet affirmations like “I am proud of where I am” or “I am grateful for who I am” even when they felt embarrassingly cliche. These words can feel empty when first implemented into your vocabulary, but through the simple act of acceptance and repetition, cliches such as these can start to ring true. A second skill that is helpful in this process, a favorite of mine, is called “Radical Acceptance”, taught through DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Truthfully a cliche in and of itself, the idea of radical acceptance urges you to stop fighting reality and wholeheartedly accept the present moment in the way that it is. Of course, like thought challenging, this is easier said than done. However, once you accept that you need to change the way you think, and that you are the only agent of your thoughts, it becomes easier to sit with the silly feeling of speaking to yourself with the utmost compassion.
There is a lot that can be said about a person’s mental health, and it can be hard to find the words. Oftentimes, silent support is preferred to an empty promise that “it’ll all work out”, but I’m writing in support of both. By giving yourself and others permission to speak to you with radical positivity, it begins a healthy practice that will only become easier as time goes on. As they say, “practice makes perfect.”
~ Haley Banta ’25
Recent Comments