The group of women at the DHMC Women’s Resource Center was incredibly welcoming, open, and honest. We were so grateful to them for allowing us into their support group, and it was truly amazing to hear all that they had to say.
The women were extremely forthcoming in discussing their experiences with pregnancy and motherhood. We heard a wide range of emotional experiences, from shock and fear to love and joy, and we found that every woman had her own individual experience to share. Some of their responses are included:
“How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?”
“Scared”
Several women expressed fears about things that might go wrong at the start of their pregnancies. A couple had also experienced multiple miscarriages before this pregnancy, leaving them afraid to hope that this pregnancy could be carried to term. Others worried about what having a child would mean for them, especially in cases where the pregnancy was not planned.
“How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?”
“I felt shocked! We had been trying so it was something we were hoping for, but the reality of actually being pregnant was surprising / scary / exciting all at once. It was so life changing in an instant.”
“How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?”
“Excited”
Another common theme in the women’s reactions to their pregnancies was excitement – sometimes tentative, sometimes overwhelming. Many had been trying to get pregnant for a while, so the fact that they were finally going to have a child was something really joyful.
“How do you feel right now?”
“Really good (tired, overwhelmed)
“How do you feel right now?”
“Unconditional love, frustrated, worried of her health”
When asked how they felt right now, most women reported mixed feelings – joy and love for their children were combined with worries and the exhaustion that comes with new parenthood. Many expressed some difficulty coping with the negative emotions, especially given pressures to be happy all the time now that their babies are here. One woman explained, “People keep saying, ‘How happy are you? You know, these are the best days of your life,’ and all I can think is, oh god, I hope that these aren’t the best days of my life. I’m so tired.”
“How do you feel when you think about the next few months?”
“Guilt”
“How do you feel when you think about the next few months?”
“Torn. Going back to work full time vs. staying home and caring for him”
When asked about the near future, most of the women responded with concerns about going back to work, sending their children to daycare, and transitioning from stay-at-home mom to working mother. Many also expressed excitement at seeing milestones and (hopefully) getting some more sleep, but the most common response by far was that they were feeling guilty about working. In particular, some women were worried about leaving their kids in day care and not bonding with them enough, while others felt guilty because they wanted to get out of the house and back to work rather than stay at home with the baby. A couple described themselves as “going stir crazy”, saying that staying home had been difficult and boring and that they greatly missed their careers.
