http://journeys.dartmouth.edu/writing5-28-project3-fraunberger/colorful-third-place/
Central Claim
- The central claim is that although Room 65 is a well-designed collaboration space for community members, its isolation from the rest of campus impedes its purpose. Thus, by adopting a name for the room, Room 65 will have a more established connection and purpose for Dartmouth students.
- Central argument: that room 65 contributes to great collaboration because of its open, configurable, social space, but is in a place where it is underutilized.
Broader significance
- Possibly talk about the importance of music in society and how spaces like these, if implemented more commonly that tiny practice rooms, could contribute to better musical creation?
- Broader significance: there are many places on campus that are not-named but have potential to become a creative, collaborative study space for students. By giving these spaces a name, we may perhaps facilitate more use of the room.
Structure
- Your structure seems to center around your critical lens, with each page citing a different author and offering a different way to view Room 65. I think it’d be nice to also have a page devoted to broader significance/impilcations of these findings, like in the conclusion of an essay.
- Structure is laid out in four distinct pages of the site. Each page furthers the claim through an IMRD-type structure that first introduces and describes the space and then proceeds to share evidence and explain in context of lens.
Evidence
- The most compelling evidence I found was the audio and pictures on the page “A Creative Space” and it supports your claim that Room 65 can be used as an inspirational space for people to go to. It serves a purpose of relaxation and creativity, which you highlight through photos of people lounging around.
- Strongest evidence that I found for claim was the picture of all of the people hanging out in the room and the blurb beneath that under the “a creative space” tab. The photo combined with the quotations and explanatation of how a space contributes to discourse show best how this space contributes to musical collaboration.
Graphic Design
- There are some really remarkable features here! The map and video tour are both interesting. They do serve to get the audience to experience the space.
- It looks like you’ll want to find a way to produce a kind of introduction or abstract area–something that will introduce us not just to the space but to the question you are asking about it (or the claim you are advancing). As it stands, landing on the home page leaves me a bit confused about where to go next.
- Try using captions to provide descriptive information about your media. (perhaps including source credit information…the creator/date of creation/etc.).
Plan for Revision
At this stage in the project I needed to wrap up my project by making my ultimate claim and connecting it to a broader significance. You cannot see the draft due to the nature of the website medium, however at this point I only had a few pages that just introduced the space and only gave a little insight into the space. For the conference draft I wanted to create a better flow through the site and create a redundant argument that stood up with all my evidence.