Portfolio Section 5: Project 3

Reading response #4: w5rr4

3-min Audio Tour of a Dartmouth Space: (file too large to upload to WordPress).

Interpretive Photo Exhibit of a Dartmouth Space: photos

Workshop Draft (initial outline and peer commentary):

—–> link to google docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zt3AIQQm_S26KSK1PysZ57s0lUvFQlKaZqOLL12OEOI/edit?pref=2&pli=1

——> Word Document: workshopdraft2-25

Revision plans:

After completing the peer workshop, and reading over comments made by my peers over the weekend, it seems like two main areas for improvement are finding a broader significance and better organizing my evidence. For the conference draft, I added a broader significance for my analysis of Novack Cafe, and edited my evidence slightly to better support this larger conclusion. I did not significantly change the organization of evidence. So far, I have tried to arrange it by breaking up Fleming’s criteria for an ideal community for encouraging discourse and then relate each of these criteria to physical evidence found in the cafe, but perhaps there is a better way of going about this, or maybe I can use this structure but need to organize what I have a bit better. For example, maybe I should include my point about the flow of people in a section on density rather than setting it aside by itself. For the final draft, I might also want to back up some of my claims with evidence from surveys, and I think that it might be a good idea to include a glossary page with links in the text so that my audience can easily access definitions for key terms.

Kaylee Paul, Mar 1 at 4:18am

I also might want to add a greater variety of media (recordings, video, graphics, etc) to make the site more interesting.

Conference Draft Comments:

Nicholas Van Kley, Mar 3 at 8:07pm

As I mentioned in our group conference, the audio comment above constitutes my main feedback. Below are some scattered notes that served as a foundation for the audio comment. Use it at your own risk! Argument/structure: You do seem to have an argument emerging pretty clearly on the home page. [this is a micro version of the beneficial public space Fleming demands] But can you make that argument more clearly compelling to your audience? One way to do that would be to make the starting position be something that your audience can access quickly. Perhaps that could be: here’s the benefit of a public street in an urban context (as Fleming explains). BUT that same function shows up in other places too… Based on your conclusion, I get the impression you want to suggest that density is not the only way to produce contact across heterogeneous social categories. Does DArtmouth create that/manage it through admissions? conclusion structure (diff paragraphs?) 1. here’s what we know about Novack 2. here’s how that’s different from Fleming’s streets 3. here’s what that miht lead to Have you thought about including a fleming stand-alone section? Any additional evidence to support the idea of heterogeneity? Do you have demographic stats to capture the diversity of the population? htereogeneity section seems to be arguing that the diversity of use constitutes an important kind of heterogeneity. You may need to convince us that use-based diversity constitutes adequate diversity to produce the social benefits that Fleming argues for. Your publicity section actually provides some convincing evidence that the space generates intentionally public discourse. The security section seems less developed right now. Design: -It’s a bit confusing to have acknowledgments show up right after home in the menu – aim for parallel title formats for equivalent sections (titles are faily successful, I think). – try to avoid centering large blocks of text – aim to integrate media more carefully (into your pages rather than just at the top. – try to cite as you go in addition to offereing credits (the population stats might include a hyperlink to the page from which you gathered them) – the sketch is relaly neat! I take you to be using the lines of activity to show places where encounters happen? is that right? Might express that claim a bit more clearly in your prose. Might also refer more concretely in the last paragraph to the image..you’re discussing the red lines in that paragraph, right? – would highlighting examples of flyers you take to be producing relevant publicrhetoric be valuable in teh publicity and security page? – use captions to provide informative titles for images (and also photo credits) odds/ends – paragraphing is a bit confusing in the publicity and security page.

Nicholas Van Kley, Mar 3 at 8:07pm

Project 3 final draft: http://journeys.dartmouth.edu/writing5-28-project3-kp27/

Kaylee's Site

for Writing 5 section 28

Portfolio Section 5: Project 3