Post-Conference Revision Plan

I did not write a formal, post-conference revision plan but based upon the feedback above I constructed a new outline for my paper that served as a major revision. This outline is found below:

OUTLINE

Conference Outline:

  1. Introduction
  2. Eggener and Powell want us to look at diverse voices…
  3. The song aims to represent a local perspective. The opening of the piece cites the perspective of locals (ground view…buildings/streets = recognizable features)
  4. He actually recognizes multiple perspectives, giving you a sense of the diversity of those perspectives
  5. But maybe this isn’t as good as it looks: The gap between lyrics and video suggest the song isn’t really about local perspectives at all…
  6. TRANSITION, We might also be suspicious of whether or not the piece do to allow for change? Reminder about how social invention has to listen to diverse voices….Powell…
  7. WK’s status as belonging to both perspectives might keep you from listening to other voices
  8. conclusion

Starting position: The song aims to listen to diverse voices from Pittsburgh…to do CR

Argument: But, it falls short in silencing some of those perspectives, which limits its ability to create positive regional change.

Personal Outline with details:

  1. Intro
    1. Starting position: as stated above
      1. Build on this for a few sentences, let it develop
    2. Introduce argument
      1. THESIS STATEMENT HERE
    3. Preview some of the coming points?
  2. Eggener and Powell want us to look at diverse voices
    1. Basically intro both critical lenses
    2. Focus on unifying the two on their prioritizing diversity to represent a region
  3. Song aims to represent a local perspective
    1. Opening of the song obviously cites a local perspective
      1. Camera angles
        1. Street view, facing upwards
      2. Iconic buildings
        1. Recognizable and telling
      3. WK recognizes multiple perspectives
        1. Crowd is diverse
          1. Race, socioeconomic status
          2. Shows life from both the business sector and the lower income areas
        2. PROBLEM: Visuals may be misleading
          1. Gap between visuals of music video and lyrics may suggest it doesn’t present a local perspective at all
            1. Nothing about the lyrics really screams Pittsburgh
            2. Instead, it references a lifestyle that is largely unattainable for most locals
              1. Diamonds, hoes, Cliquot, nice cars, fancy watches
            3. TRANSITION: Powell- does this representation allow for positive social change
              1. Intro Social Invention
              2. Set up evaluative format
                1. Does this represent diverse perspective? Yes
                2. Does it allow for positive social change, originating with the people of the region? Remains to be seen
                  1. I’m trying to say no it does not
                3. WK’s status as belonging to both perspectives might keep you from listening to other voices (Eggener’s concern)
                  1. This is definitely the image he projects in the video
                    1. Has the nice lifestyle but hasn’t forgotten his roots
                      1. Going back to where he grew up, hanging with people who are low income, eating with them
                    2. Problem is that with him coming into a low income area and everyone being happy around him, it suppresses multiple perspectives
                      1. Harm is that this portrayal may silence the struggles of the people who live there and undermine their attempts to get help they need
                        1. Thus not a social invention- doesn’t fulfill Powell’s criteria either
                      2. Conclusion
                        1. Reemphasize the argument and the evolution of it