White, Upper Middle Class Family: An Intersectional Analysis

Growing up in a three-person household with both of my parents, I was able to feel content, secure, and cared for. My mother worked during the day and my father at night, so I was never alone in my house and always had someone to talk to when I was in need. We were able to go out for dinner periodically and go on yearly vacations. For much of my childhood, I thought that this situation was standard for all children. I was lucky to grow up in such a household, but I did not understand my fortune until recently. When I consider the positive memories of my childhood, I inevitably begin thinking about those whose experiences were less enjoyable. The successes of the white upper middle class are largely at the expense of less privileged social groups and classes. Through the social analysis of a white, upper middle class family, one can learn the influence of privileged culture on members of the family and on society at large.

In order to understand the intricacies of a nuclear family, one must analyze the effect of gender on the household. Unlike in most families, my mother was the primary breadwinner throughout my childhood. She is very clearly the head of the household; not only does she make more money than my father, she also makes most choices on behalf of the family (e.g. what products to buy, when and where to take vacations, etc.). This dynamic is vastly different from typical households and mass media depictions of households, in which men are solidly in control of their lives, their children, and their wives. Growing up in that environment likely allowed me to avoid some of the gender-related biases that arise from seeing men as powerful and women as powerless. The environment may have forced me to see men and women as more equal rather than as a pure A group (men) and an impure not-A group (women), as outlined in Judith Lorber’s “Night to his Day”: The Social Construction of Gender.

However, my household is not free of signs of women’s subjugation. While my mother makes most of the family’s final decisions, the finances are handled directly by my father. He is responsible for bill payments and retirement savings. Though he gives my mother updates on the family’s finances and listens to her suggestions, a person in my father’s position could easily deceive his wife about their finances. Society tends to see men as being responsible for financial matters, and in my family that is the case despite my mother’s higher income. As a boy, I may have started to expect men (including my future self) to handle finances due to my parents’ dynamics. Today, I am afraid of spending money irresponsibly; that may be an effect of my upbringing and my sense of self as a male. Gender biases may have been instilled in my subconscious in other ways that I do not yet understand, influencing my identity and sense of self beyond my control. Still, I believe that seeing my mother as a strong female figure allowed me to better understand gender equality. I am glad to have had her as a role model and an example of a powerful woman.

My family’s fortune is largely a result of social privilege. As a white family living in a suburban area, we are mostly free from experiencing or witnessing racial struggle. This is another concept that I did not grasp until the last few years. For most of my life, I did not understand the implications of racism and how it affects the fortune of whites over people of color. During my early teenage years, I felt like Peggy McIntosh in that white privilege was “an elusive and fugitive subject” to me due to the worldviews I’d have to change in order to acknowledge it.

Now, looking back at my childhood, I see endless examples of racial privilege. Though I attended public schools, they were comprised nearly entirely of wealthy white students and white teachers. The schools had access to useful technology, supplies, and art equipment. I now know that such an educational environment is not the norm. Attending schools with good resources allows for better learning, eventually making students more likely to attend college and find high-paying jobs. That was the case for the mostly-white schools I attended. However, in other areas of my city, things were different. For a variety of political and social reasons, public schools in low-income areas with high concentrations of people of color generally have worse resources than public schools in whiter, more affluent areas. My achievements in life are largely due to my education, so I likely would not be nearly as successful if I were a person of color attending a school in a low-income area. There are people who attended those schools who haven’t achieved what they would have if they were born into my life. Those facts bring a guilt that is a necessary side effect of racial privilege. While white people can be proud of their successes, they need to acknowledge those whose success has been stifled by racial biases. Like McIntosh, I understand that “many doors open for certain people through no virtues of their own,” though it is difficult for a privileged person to admit.

Economic class is a product of one’s other social privileges (or lack thereof), but itself breeds new forms of privilege. My family is solidly part of the upper middle class. As I was growing up, I took for granted the ability to go on vacations or go out for dinner. Like the racial privileges that I long failed to acknowledge, I didn’t understand the economic advantages I had. As a member of an upper middle class family (and one with only three people), I am able to buy things that aren’t necessary without burdening my parents. My experience with economic freedom as a child was the opposite of bell hooks’. While she says that “I learned that the more clearly I named my desires, the more unlikely those desires would ever be fulfilled,” (24) I found that voicing my desires as a young child often got me what I wanted. It is easy to spoil a child (or for one to spoil oneself) in an upper middle class family. I think my parents did a good job of avoiding that, but it is inevitable that a person accustomed to economic privilege will be somewhat out of touch with the rest of society. I am still in the process of learning about the economic status of others and how best to deal with the disparity in economic privilege that is so easily seen throughout society.

As a young member of a white, upper middle class family, I did not realize just how well represented I was in the media. A disproportionately large number of television shows and movies depict wealthy white people (and especially white families). Being able to see people like me in the media made me feel normal and acknowledged, though I may not have known it at the time. It is astonishing how rarely certain groups are represented in the media. For example, Asians and Asian Americans are nearly absent from all American television and movies. Yet again, I have to acknowledge my fortune. I feel represented in the media and I believe that much needs to be done to make others feel that way as well.

My family is one of the most treasured parts of my life. I appreciate the uniqueness of my parents and the standards they set for me. The social structure in my house has molded me into a good person. I loved my childhood and will remember it fondly. However, I have to acknowledge the racial and economic privilege that comes with being born into a white, upper middle class family. It would be a lie and a disservice to my fellow humans if I denied the existence of my privilege. As a person with social privilege, I must use that power to ensure that marginalized groups reach that same social status in the future.

-Zach

Works Cited

hooks, bell. Where We Stand: Class Matters. Routledge, 2009.

Lorber, Judith. “‘Night to His Day’: The Social Construction of Gender.” Yale

         University Press, 1994.

McIntosh, Peggy. “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack.” Peace and           Freedom Magazine, 1989, pp. 10–12.