Saudade: The sad state of intense longing or nostalgia for something or someone that may never be known again
Going through life, we encounter a variety of different situations where we feel as though we have lost something that we will never retrieve. Whether that be a loved one, an opportunity, or even ourselves, it is an inevitable and at times inescapable feeling that can often feel intangible and impossible to describe. This exhibition attempts to reproduce that seemingly indescribable, inescapable longing within a variety of different contexts and across identities; the exhibition attempts to portray how grief and longing are both universal human experiences but also disparate across cultures and identities.
This project will investigate the themes of grief, loss, and longing through experimental films that detail the intimacy of loss alongside its universality. This project will accomplish this via films that are situated in the liminal space between what we wish we could have and the physical reality that such hope is likely futile. Some of the perspectives this exhibition investigates include the perpetual longing for acceptance from a loved one we know we will never have; a nostalgia for innocence that can never be reclaimed; and the yearning to go back and change a decision that will irrevocably and tragically alter one’s future.
The program traces a line through my experiences with grief—from the loss of my father to the grief I have experienced as a queer woman. This project was inspired by the experience of losing my father and my perpetual longing for a relationship that I will never have. It is also based on the complicated relationship I, much like other queer people, have to coming out and my queer identity. While this project is inspired by personal experiences, I hope to portray how universal the feeling of “saudade” is through films that encapsulate this feeling in a variety of different contexts.
Some of the questions this program intends to answer include: How does the expression of grief differ across different identities and contexts? What sets grief apart from other emotions and experiences? How does the permanence of loss alter how it is represented within film?
Dan Browne, 2016, Canada, 3:15
Seasons: Fall flashes images of fall foliage and scenery in rapid succession. The disorientation and placelessness of the film are reminiscent of the emotions that accompany grief and loss. Simultaneously boundless yet finite, the timelessness of the film emulates the seeming endlessness of grief.
Questions for Dan Browne
- What served as the inspiration for the film’s disorienting composition?
- The film seems to represent a feeling that is both placeless yet tangible—how have your experiences shaped your approach to filmmaking and the types of films you create?
Sonali Gulati, 2014, United States, 6:20
Where is there room? explores the question of how would we change things if we knew how little time we had with someone we loved? Told through Gulati’s own experience grieving the loss of her mother, this film utilizes elements of both documentary and experimental filmmaking to detail the ways in which losing someone often leaves us with more questions than answers.
Questions for Sonali Gulati:
- In Where is there room? you question how things would have been different if you had known that you would lose your mother so soon. To this end, how did this question influence the structure of the film?
- What is the significance of using both experimental and documentary components in the film? What inspired this decision?
Jessica Bardsley, 2019, United States, 13.28.
Goodbye Thelma confronts the challenges of traveling alone as a woman. Through inverted clips of the iconic film Thelma and Lousie, the outdoors, and intertitles the film explores the loss that accompanies sexual assault. Her innocence, peace of mind, and confidence stripped, the woman in the film struggles to return to the hobby she once loved—will she ever find herself again?
Questions for Jessica Bardsley:
- Thelma and Louise is an iconic film, in part due to its reading as a queer film. Did this interpretation have any bearing on the decision to base a film around Thelma and Louise?
- What is the significance of the inverted coloration of the film?
Rachel Leyco, 2019, United States, 14:40
Bicultural explores a young woman’s struggle as her desire to fulfill her family’s expectations gets in the way of being with the person she loves. Coming out, although courageous, is not always an act that is celebrated. The film explores that which is often lost when choosing one’s happiness over that of others. A delicate rendering of the conflicts of culture, sexuality, shame, and triumph the film’s ending brings all of these themes crashing together, and once they collide there is no going back.
Questions for Rachel Leyco:
- What is the role of loss in your film and how is its conceptualization distinct from other types of loss?
- Familial expectation and reputation seem to play a major part in the narrative construction of the film. The film suggests that these themes are incompatible with queer identity. Is this
Anderson Matthew, 2020, United States, 8:43
Some Things Hidden is a journey through the American wilderness. A montage of images that generates an uneasy feeling of disorientation seems to point to something that is intangible, yet inescapable. The discomfort of the film builds alongside its obscurity. Does time actually heal all wounds? Does grief become easier to rationalize the more distant we are from it?
Questions for Anderson Matthew:
- Some Things Hidden strength lies in its obscurity. What is the significance of the non-narrative structure of the film?
- The film’s structure, both visually and sonically, becomes increasingly disorienting and dark. What is the relationship between the disorienting conclusion of the film and the brighter, slower-paced beginning?
Natalie Chao, 2016, Hong Kong, 4:20
Searching for Her details Chao’s reckoning with the loss of her mother and the unremitting longing for when her mother was alive. The film’s narrative, told through photographs of Chao’s mother, explores the intimacy of losing a parent alongside the guilt that often accompanies it. Searching for Her is a film whose construction, albeit simple, explains the seemingly indescribable complexity of grief and longing.
Questions for Natalie Chao:
- What factors or elements of your identity have most significantly shaped your understanding of grief?
- How did this project augment your relationship to grief?
Works Cited