Unconditional Love

My father and I on family vacation (2015)

My mother and I on Thanksgiving (2016)

My sister and I never questioned whether we were loved by our parents or not. They went out of their way to make sure they always told us they loved us and would even reassure us that they loved us when we were being punished for doing something wrong. I remember going to my best friend’s house during my childhood and found it shocking how her parents expressed their love for her; they would not end a phone call with “I love you” or hug her before saying goodbye. I realized how rare this unconditional love from my parents was in other households and began to appreciate it much more. I could see this unconditional love being expressed in my parents’ interview; my father said that kids are a necessity in life and “if you don’t have kids then you haven’t really lived life.” This statement made me feel so loved and that even though my sister and I were pains for my parents they loved us more than anything.

None of the questions prompted my mother to discuss how much she loved her children but this was something that I never had to be told because of the amount of affection she showed me. In her interview my mother talked about how there wasn’t “a lot of love” during her childhood and I think this fact played an important role in making her the very affectionate mom that she is. She wanted to show affection to her children because it was lacking in her childhood. When I was much smaller I used to sometimes think that my parents were overbearing with their amount of affection towards my sister and I, but I am very appreciative that they were because it provided a very loving childhood and made my relationship with my parents strong-which is something a lot of my friends cannot say about their own relationships with their parents.

Literature by Birditt discusses how the relationship between a parent and a child is one of the longest-lasting and emotionally intense social ties. Birditt conducted a study that found that adult children had higher ambivalence with parents who were hostile and unaffectionate earlier in life. This is just one of the negative things that can arise from not having affectionate parents but I’m lucky enough to never be affected by this. My parents have fostered my psychological well-being by making me feel loved and cared for.

Apart from showing their children this unconditional love, my parents also openly expressed this love towards each other. I was lucky enough to be raised by my married parents and witnessed lots of positive interactions between them. They were always playful with one another and I heard them say they loved each other at least once a day. My dad made it a point to show his affection towards my mom in his interview by saying that they are “meant to be together.” In their sociological literature Julia S. Goldberg and Marcia J. Carlson talk about how parents’ relationship quality directly or indirectly affects children and is linked to children’s wellbeing. Goldberg and Carlson found that parents with more supportive relationships had children with fewer behavioral problems. This finding makes me feel very blessed to have grown up in a loving household and experienced my parents’ happy and affectionate marriage.

My mother and father (2004)