My father was born on March 29th, 1973 to Julie and Bernie DeBord Sr. in Muskogee, Oklahoma. He had three older brothers- Mike, Terry, and Tim. And his younger brother, Phillip, was born 6 years after him.

Very early in his life, at the young age of 8, my father’s parents divorced. Therefore, past the age of 8, my father did not experience childhood in a two parent home. In fact, his mother quickly made the decision to move 18 hours away from her family to North Carolina. Despite the fact that he was very young, my father can recall memories from before his parents divorced. He remembers his parents being unhappy and he witnessed abuse among the two. So one might think that the divorce would have greatly improved his childhood, but this sadly was not the case. During his interview I asked my father what his childhood was like after the divorce and he replied, “If I’m being honest-very bad. Both of my parents loved me but that doesn’t mean that the things they did were good.” I then asked him how the divorce affected his life and he said, ” It ruined my childhood.”

My father (in the blue) with his three siblings

Since his mother decided to move so far away, my father stayed living with his father in Muskogee, Oklahoma. My father would often visit his mother and had a fairly strong relationship with her, but his dad was his primary parent and provider. My grandfather emphasized the parenting style of concerted cultivation while raising my father. Annette Lareau describes parents who practice concerted cultivation as “deliberately try[ing] to stimulate their children’s development and foster their cognitive and social skills.” My father   worked hard in school because his dad stressed the importance of education. He was also involved in many activities including gymnastics and boxing. His father kept up with these activities by encouraging them and making sure his son had transportation to and from. While all of these things were mainly positive for his childhood, he did suffer from some disadvantages of this cultivated childhood. For instance, he did not have much of a relationship with extended family. In my father’s interview he stated, “I was close with my parents and brothers. But I wasn’t close with any extended family whatsoever.” Lacking relationships with his extended family affected his childhood because the only people he could associate a strong connection with was his nuclear family; this creates social problems and problems creating bonds with people outside of his immediate family.

My dad and his father

The upcoming pages will explore how the cultivated childhood of my father played an important part in my fathers parenting techniques, and therefore how it helped mold the person that I am today.