Caroline Petro is a Dartmouth alumna who graduated in June 2018. She is 22 years old. She was born and raised Catholic, though she attended private school instead of Catholic school. She lives in Norwood, Massachusetts, and she currently works on the cape of Massachusetts as an intern for a museum fundraising and marketing department. She has three siblings, one of whom is in training to become a Catholic priest, and her mother recently earned a degree to become a theologian.
Contextual Data:
Cultural Context:
Caroline knows that this proverb originated from somewhere in the Bible, though she doesn’t know where, and says that her family has updated it to apply to their lives. As her family is entirely Catholic, it’s not unusual to her that this would be a statement of deep meaning, and she says that it has become more of a colloquial phrase.
Social Context:
This proverb relies on the metaphor of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to allow all humans to enter heaven, and compares that to laying down our own lives for the good of our friends. It is a reminder to be selfless and giving for a greater meaning in your relationships. Caroline said that she doesn’t often repeat this whole proverb in a serious manner directly to her friends and family, but that it’s mentioned in times where she might need advice on a difficult situation, or when her family is discussing the importance of relationships.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
“There is no greater gift than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Interview Audio:
This portion of the interview starts at 9:44. Caroline’s background starts at 0:00.
Collector’s Notes:
The formula is a “than” comparison proverb, as suggested by Dundes. The image is serious at first glance, but colloquially and in true usage is softened. The message uses a callback to Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, and compares that to the love between friends. This is one of just a few overall proverbs that we collected that took religious imagery and turned it into a colloquial phrase that conveyed something more than just the original meaning.
Collector:
Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018
Caroline Petro is a Dartmouth alumna who graduated in June 2018. She is 22 years old. She was born and raised Catholic, though she attended private school instead of Catholic school. She lives in Norwood, Massachusetts, and she currently works on the cape of Massachusetts as an intern for a museum fundraising and marketing department. She has three siblings, one of whom is in training to become a Catholic priest, and her mother recently earned a degree to become a theologian.
Contextual Data:
Social Context:
Caroline has heard this proverb from many different people in its shorter version, but the longer version she heard from her mother a few years ago. Her mother, as above, is a theologian, and studies philosophy and religion. Caroline and her mother are very close, and their faith is a part of their relationship.
Cultural Context:
Caroline said that the better-known proverb is interpreted to mean that the blood of your familial relationships means more than the water of other relationship bonds. But the full proverb, in its Catholic meaning, preferences the blood of the covenant (a metaphor for Christ’s sacrifice, and a commitment) means more than the water of the womb (a metaphor for familial ‘blood’ relationships). This proverb doesn’t say that family or friends are more important than either family or friends—but that the relationship among church members and people who share in that covenant is greater than any other relationship.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
Expanding upon the secular proverb:
“Blood is thicker than water.”
Interview Audio:
This proverb (and Caroline’s background) is discussed up to the 9:44 mark.
Collector’s Comments:
The formula is a two part proverb that relies on comparison. The image is a serious reflection on the church’s tenets, and evokes a mental image of the blood of Christ/the cup of wine at church services. The message contradicts the meaning as interpreted by secular culture, and instead preferences church family above “blood” relations or friendships. This is one of few proverbs that doesn’t explicitly state friends or family preferences, but instead values a different kind of relationship above both of those.
Collector:
Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018
Meg Costantini is a campus minister at Dartmouth College’s Catholic student center, Aquinas House. She describes herself as a “cradle Catholic,” meaning that she was born and raised Catholic her whole life. She went to public school for grade and high school, Villanova for her undergraduate degree, and got her Masters of Divinity from Notre Dame in 2015. After that, she started her current job. She is married to her husband Shawn, has a one-year-old daughter Lucy, and a baby on the way. (And her dog, Rey, who you’ll hear barking in the audio recording.)
Contextual Data:
Social Data:
Meg heard this proverb while she was studying for her Masters of Divinity at Notre Dame. The director of her program used this as a set of “rules” for them to follow, and wisdom to guide them through their time there. The program was not composed entirely of Catholics, but was taught in a Catholic college and moral setting. This advice was given to the program participants to help them better understand how to relate to one another and build friendships during their time there, but also in a broader context to help them go out into the world with a Catholic mindset in their relationships.
Cultural Data:
This proverb has three parts. First, be your own best advocate means to know yourself before you enter a relationship, and advocate for what you need, because you can’t expect others to read your mind. Go gently means to treat yourself and others gently and with kindness, whether a friend, a partner, or a stranger. Meg said that we often need to love ourselves more than we do—and if you can’t be gentle with yourself, you can’t expect others to do the same. Finally, assume goodwill means to assume that others around you are acting with goodwill, and to think the best of them unless proven otherwise. Don’t assume that others are out to harm you. Though not explicitly using metaphors of Catholicism, these principles encompass a lot of Church teachings on how to treat others and yourself. Meg said she still recalls these principles and tries to keep them close at hand in her daily life, in order to remind herself to treat everyone with dignity.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
“First, be your own best advocate, second, go gently, third, assume goodwill.”
Interview Recording:
VolumeWarning: Meg’s busy life includes a young baby who liked to stand near the computer and a dog who likes to bark–they are audible and loud on the recording! Listen with care as to your volume.
Collector’s Notes:
The formula of this proverb is a three part piece of advice. The image is upbeat but serious. The message conveys how to properly treat others as well as yourself–an overlooked part of relationships. This is one of only two proverbs that doesn’t have explicitly Catholic metaphors, but it still conveys the heart of Catholic teachings.
Collector:
Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018
Meg Costantini is a campus minister at Dartmouth College’s Catholic student center, Aquinas House. She describes herself as a “cradle Catholic,” meaning that she was born and raised Catholic her whole life. She went to public school for grade and high school, Villanova for her undergraduate degree, and got her Masters of Divinity from Notre Dame in 2015. After that, she started her current job. She is married to her husband Shawn, has a one-year-old daughter Lucy, and a baby on the way. (And her dog, Rey, who you’ll hear barking in the audio recording.)
Contextual Data:
Social Context:
Meg said that she heard this proverb from many Catholics, and could recall most recently the priest that she works with saying it in a homily. Homilies take place during Catholic mass services, after the day’s gospel reading, and are intended to preach a message with deeper meaning. Otherwise, they were casual conversations.
Cultural Context:
For Catholics, saints are people who lived out the Church’s teachings to the fullest extent, and martyrs are people who died for the faith. Both serve as role models to modern-day Catholics. This proverb pokes fun at one person needing to act as a martyr in order to live with someone who is a saint—or thinks that they are one. Meg mentioned that this proverb has a special meaning to her in her relationship with her husband; that they take turns being the martyr and the saint to each other. In her mind, this proverb exemplifies that there’s something about interacting with other people that makes us better versions of ourselves. When we interact with real people, with difficult or different personalities, we develop our own selves. The proverb is a reminder that when we feel frustrated with the people we live with (especially in marriage), that is a call to respond in a way that will bring us closer to God.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
“It takes a martyr to live with a saint.”
Audio Recording:
Volume Warning: Meg’s busy life includes a young baby who liked to stand near the computer and a dog who likes to bark–they are audible and loud on the recording! Listen with care as to your volume.
This portion of the interview concludes about halfway through the second audio recording.
Collector’s Comments:
The formula of this proverb is two parts, with a statement and a condition. The image is intended to be humorous, though with a heartfelt/serious message behind it. This proverb uses metaphors of Catholicism to diffuse tension, inject humor, and poke fun at humility, while showing that martyrdom and sainthood are valued within the Church. This is one of two proverbs that I collected that focus on sainthood, which seems to be an important goal to strive towards, and certainly imparts morals, as well. Additionally, my informant chose to explain this proverb through her own life as well as through church history, showing a very personal connection.
Collector:
Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018
Location: Aquinas House Library, Hanover, NH, 03755
Date: October 17, 2018
Informant Data:
Mike Carlowicz is a freshman at Dartmouth College. He was born and raised Catholic, went to Catholic school for all of his education before college, and now is involved in the Catholic student center at Dartmouth. He regularly attends Catholic mass at home. His parents are married and he has siblings.
Contextual Data:
Social Context:
Mike heard this proverb separately from a few different priests at his home parish while they were saying a homily, the reflection on the gospel reading for that day’s mass. He later was in the same space as all of those priests, in an informal gathering room like a study or lounge, and asked them if they had all heard it separately or from each other. They had all picked it up on their own, and it was a coincidence that they each preached about it.
Cultural Context:
Mike says this proverb is meaningful to him because as a Catholic, he believes that we should all strive to become saints. He knows that he’s not perfect, but he thinks this proverb exemplifies how much easier it is to be of a saint-like nature around people who aren’t family. Additionally, he says that this proverb points out that while it is more difficult, family may be a more valuable setting in which to try to emulate those qualities. He outlined two reasons for his interpretation. First, it’s easier to be saint-like around others because family members know your past and the motivations behind your actions; for example, if you’re acting with kindness in order to get your way later or gain something for yourself. Family members can more easily recognize your common sins. Second, the family is a more valuable setting in which to try to become a saint, because they can encourage you, support you, and see your progress. Since it is all the more difficult, it is even more impressive to be able to emulate the saints among people who know you deeply and may also know how to provoke you.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
“It’s harder to be a saint around your family.”
Interview Audio:
Collector’s Comments:
This is a two part proverb, with a statement and a condition. The image is humorous, but with serious implications, as emphasized by the informant with personal connections to his own life and faith journey. This proverb stresses the importance of sainthood to Catholics, and suggests a method of achieving it (by being most saintlike when it is difficult to do so). As the informant inherited this proverb from several sources at different times, it also seems somewhat ubiquitous.
Collector:
Alexandra Norris, 20
3305 Hinman, Hanover, NH, 03755
Dartmouth College
Russian 13
Fall 2018
Yuriko Gonda is an international student from Japan, studying at Dartmouth College for the year. She remains undecided on her major, but is considering pursuing law. She was born in Tokyo, Japan but moved to China for several years, then to England, then back to Tokyo. Her parents are Japanese, but her mother studied in China for several years as an exchange student in college. Her mother truly enjoyed living in China and absorbing Chinese culture, bringing back several Chinese texts, calligraphic art and paintings to decorate their home. Yuriko grew up listening to her mother tell Chinese stories, however she does not know the language herself, but has a desire to learn it.
Contextual Data:
Yuriko heard this proverb from her mother when her mother was discussing some of her college friends. One of her mother’s college friends had fallen on some financial hardship. Her mother and their friend group contributed some money to a fund to aid that particular compatriot. Her mother was discussing this situation to Yuriko and her father over dinner, and telling stories about her time in college with this group of friends. When Yuriko asked whether they were close enough to warrant that type of financial support, her mother reiterated the proverb that she had learned while studying abroad in China.
Item:
Orally transmitted proverb:
需要之时方知友 ’
Xūyào zhī shí fāngzhīyǒu
A friend is never known till a man has need.
Associated file (a video, audio, or image file):
Transcript:
A friend is never known till a man has need
Q: So what is proverb that you have?
A: 需要之时方知友 ’ (Xūyào zhī shí fāngzhīyǒu) (A friend is never known till a man has need. )
Q: Ok so can you tell me a little bit more about your background?
A: Ok so I’m an international student from Japan. I’m studying at Dartmouth for a year. I remain undecided on my major – but I’m considering pursuing law. So I was born in Tokyo, Japan but I moved to China for several years, then to England, then back to Tokyo. So my parents are Japanese, but my mom studied in China for several years as an exchange student in college. My mom enjoyed living in China and college, and she brought back several Chinese calligraphy. She really loved Chinese stories. I don’t really know the language myself, but I really wanna learn it.
Q: So how did you hear about this proverb?
A: So I heard this proverb from my mom. So she was telling my family about her best friend in China. So her friend went bankrupt in China, and she was telling us that she and her friend group helped her with financial aid and that time, she was told us the proverb and it meant a lot.
Q: So what does this proverb mean to you?
A: So I learned from this proverb that the friendship is a promise to make to each other no matter what the time or no matter where they are and what they are going through
Informant’s Comments:
Yuriko says this proverb is meaningful because she interprets it as saying that friendship is a covenant in many ways. To her, friendship is a promise that one implicitly makes to another to go through life together, and support each other no matter what the circumstances. She talks about how her mother’s actions illustrate this relationship perfectly. Even though her mother’s friend lives miles away in Shanghai, and they have not physically seen each other in over a decade, they are still connected by this bond. Yuriko discusses how powerful this idea of friendship is as a mutual agreement both parties enter into, bonding each other across time and space. You would normally hear this proverb when you are going through difficult times and need to depend on your friends for support.
Collector’s Comments:
This proverb has shaped Yuriko’s conception of friendship into a promise, in addition to merely being a relationship. Therefore, being a good friend is examining one’s character and their ability to have the integrity to follow through on all the obligations and responsibilities of being a friend. Her mother’s story highlights this idea perfectly in her actions to help out a friend even though they have not seen each other for years. It demonstrates how durable this relationship and covenant is.
Structurally, this proverb is different from the others as it is still segmented into two parts – but instead of a cause and effect, there is more of an interruption in that a person’s ignorance of their true friends will remain – until something happens to them that requires some assistance. The simplicity of the proverb stands out as well. It does not have the metaphors or imagery present in the other proverbs, but the simplicity magnifies the impact of the message.
Katie Zhao is born and raised in New York City. She is 29 years old and works as a recruiter at a hedge fund. She was born in China, but moved to the United States when she was 7 years old. Her parents maintained their traditional Chinese lifestyle at home in Brooklyn, even as Katie grew up in America and attended American schools. Katie still feel greatly connected to her Chinese family past as her grandmother, uncle, aunt and cousin continue to reside there.
Contextual Data:
Katie heard this riddle from her mother a few years ago when she was telling her about her childhood. Katie was very young when she was told this story. Her mother spoke of how her childhood friends had supported her growing up in Guangzhou through many issues she was facing at home.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Associated file (a video, audio, or image file):
Transcript:
和朋友在黑暗里同行，好过一人在光明中独步。
Zài hēi’àn zhōng yǔ péngyǒu yīqǐ sànbù bǐ zài guāngmíng zhōng dúzì xíngzǒu gèng hǎo
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
I heard this riddle from my mother, when she was talking about the friends she made during childhood. I remember her telling me this when I was very young. I was very young and we were at home, when she was telling stories about her childhood growing up in Guangzhou.
To me, this proverb means that friends are people you can depend on during the hardest times of your life. They are supposed to support you and be people to lean on and confide in. I also really like the metaphorical aspects of the dark and the light.
This is a proverb you would hear during a difficult time in your life, when you need to be reminded of the value of your friends.
Informant’s Comments:
Katie thinks this proverb exemplifies friendship to her, as well as to her grandmother. Friends are people to lean and depend on, which is a quality that she looks for in those she chooses with which to be friends. Moreover, she can see the loneliness in walking alone, even if things in life are going well. To her, this proverb makes sense in that the “light” in life will most likely give way to darker times in life at some point, and then you are better off having friends to face such darkness than be by yourself. Furthermore, there is a feeling of safety and security in having a friend to confide in and lean on during those darker times. And even during easier times in life, it is better to share that joy with someone else, rather than just enjoy it by yourself. You would normally hear this proverb during times of difficulty when you need to depend on your friends while “walking in the dark”.
Collector’s Comments:
There is a parallel structure present in the proverb as the two halves are separated in comparing walking with a friend in the dark, to walking alone in the light. Such stark contrast is also a common feature of Chinese proverbs, and the balance of the structure reflects the balance of the differences between those two scenarios. It makes sense that Katie remembered this proverb as she faced many difficulties with her transition in a different country and must appreciate her friends that helped her through it.
Linda Xia is an international student from China, studying at Dartmouth College. She is considering studying Economics. She was born and raised in Beijing, China. She loves old, Chinese fairy tales, and grew up hearing proverbs and short Chinese sayings from family members. She enjoys studying and living at Dartmouth, but often misses home.
Contextual Data:
Linda heard this riddle from her mother when she first began attending Dartmouth. Her mother had previously heard it from her grandmother. She was on the phone with her mother, speaking about how she was adjusting and making friends on campus. She was lamenting about how difficult it was for her to make friends compared to others. Her mother then told her this proverb that Linda’s grandmother had once told her.
If one only sees the forest, they forget the beauty of the tree
I am an international student from China, still undecided but considering majoring in economics. I was born and raised in Shanghai. I grew up hearing a lot of proverbs and Chinese sayings, and I really like Chinese folklore and stories too. I’m enjoying my time at Dartmouth, but I miss China a lot.
I heard this proverb from my mom when I first got to Dartmouth. We were on the phone in my room and it was hard for me at first to make a lot of friends. But then,my mom told me this proverb to make me feel better. She had heard it from my grandmother.
To me, this proverb means you can only have so many close friends. To be fair, I’m also very unsure of this proverb because I think you can have many close friends. But, you can only spend so much of your time and energy on so many people, and you’re going to be closer and have deeper relationships with some more than others. Also, I see it as saying that those who have a lot of friends, mostly to be popular, won’t enjoy what real friendship is. But I also like the visual and metaphorical aspect of this proverb. I think people would usually hear it in times of hardship, when they need to be reminded of who their true friends are.
Informant’s Comments:
Linda is more skeptical about this proverb than the others. She believes that there is some truth in it, as friendships should take time and commitment. Therefore, there is only so much time and energy one can spend in their relationships, that it is inevitable that some friendships are deeper than others. However, she also questions the idea that one cannot have numerous close friends, and asks at what number of close friends is too numerous to have a meaningful connection with them. She also sees the proverb as a slight against those who merely use their friendships and relationships for their own personal gain, rather than for mutual benefit. Those who only use friends for social gain or for repetitional purposes will most likely not experience the true depths and affections of friendship. However, she enjoys the natural metaphor of the trees, and considers it very beautiful. One would normally hear this proverb when they are considering who their true friends are – perhaps in times of hardship.
Collector’s Comments:
This proverb has the similar two clause structure of many Chinese proverbs, and like many other Chinese proverbs, organizes itself into a cause and effect relationship. There is also the image of nature as a metaphor for friendship, which is also common in many other Chinese proverbs as nature is a large part of Chinese art and Chinese folk culture relies on connecting with nature. Linda seems to disagree with this proverb, which is fitting given her quick adaption to Dartmouth and her reliance on all of her friends to help her through the transition, rather than a few close ones.
