Parentified Young Adults Sharing Their Experiences
Quotes That Summarize What It Feels Like to Experience Parentification
The Sections Below Are Quotes Organized in Different Themes
Cultural Barriers
The reasons that parentification may happen. This shines light on not blaming parents but rather knowing that there are larger issues that cause it to happen
Esmeralda
“I’m pretty sure there are social workers or psychologists at a low cost who can see my dad, but he’s never going to reach them because he doesn’t know how to, or even if the social barrier wasn’t there and the machismo barrier.”
Alexander
“My dad grew up very, he was kind of abandoned by his birth mother and he had a really tough childhood growing up, very machista, very, he just saw for himself, he kind of just knew how to work and he kind of kept himself. My dad grew. He’s a very stoic person and I think it is just because he’s been through a lot.”
Maturity During Childhood
Interviewees talked about how they felt like they didn’t have a fulfilling childhood they could enjoy
Alexis
“I was always their constant support… I felt like I’m your supporter and your protector, even though it should be the other way around.”
Ana Lisa
“My family, although they didn’t recognize that I was mature very quickly mentally, probably thought I had a very fulfilling childhood.”
Emotional Parentification
Young adults talking about the emotional support they had to give their parents and primary caretakers
Alexis
“I am the local therapist as well, and which caring around my parents’ emotional baggage is a lot heavier than, oh yeah, let me check the bank balance.”
Alexis
“Because I was my parents’ emotional support, I also didn’t feel comfortable sharing my issues with, then I’d be like, well, why do I want to add my struggles to yours? So if I did share with them, I’d give them a super watered down version, like bare bones, this is what I’m struggling with now, leave me alone.”
Instrumental Parentification
The physical responsibilities a few experienced, including advocating in hospitals
Scarlett
“In 2020, my sister had a medical problem, and because my mom was working, I had to be the one to take her to doctor’s appointments. And that was the biggest reason why I decided to stay remotely work from home instead of coming to campus. There were many times where I would have a Zoom class and I would literally be driving, taking my sister out to the town over, which is about two hours away to her specialist so that she could get treatment. Just the fact that I’m like, I’m driving and I’m on a Zoom call trying to answer questions.”
Luz
“I had to be there for my sister in every situation. Even if my dad couldn’t make it if he couldn’t make it to drop her off or pick her up after school, I had to go pick her up.”
Boundary Setting and Its Challenges
Attempts at setting boundaries with parents to protect their young adulthood and limit parentification from worsening
Faith
“Through therapy, I’ve met people who’ve told me, no, it’s completely valid for you to feel like this.”
Melody
“There’s a family dynamic, especially in my family, but also in a lot of POC (people of color) families where you’re not supposed to talk back to the parents, you’re not supposed to try to set those boundaries because it’s seen as disrespect. And my mom often says that in one breast, she’ll say, you’re not an adult; you’re still my child.”
Resilience, Advocacy, and Self-Support
The ways that young adults have dealt with being parentified and the resources and support they have sought
Faith
“Through therapy, I’ve met people who’ve told me, no, it’s completely valid for you to feel like this.”
Melody
“Having all of these responsibilities taught me a lot as a person on how to take care of someone, how to manage things, but at the same time I missed out on some fun opportunities and just ways to connect with my peers.”
Ana Lisa
“I think growing up, I’ve always been more aware of resources because I’ve learned that from school and my education, that resources are available if you look for them.”
Alexander
“I definitely feel comfortable telling them how that kind of affected my life and how it changed me as a person and formulated my identity.”
How Did I Get the Quotes from College Students Found Above?
I interviewed students from the following three racial/ethnic groups:
- Black
- Afro-Latine
- Latine
because these three groups have remained underrepresented in research studies focused on the effects of parentification on mental health. Since contacting peers was my easiest option, all my interviewees were Dartmouth students whom I contacted through the FG/LI directory from the First Generation Office or word-of-mouth. My participants were categorized into the following groups:
- 5 Latine students
- 2 Black students
- 1 Afro-Latine student
Out of the 8 interviewed students, only one identified as male and one identified as queer.
Ideally, I wanted to interview 4-to 5 students from each category, but it was hard to find students willing to interview who also identified as first-generation and low-income.