Alice
February 22, 2016 – Dartmouth Supplemental Essay
“No, no, no, that won’t do,” the March Hare interrupts. “Too much tinkering will leave you with a hole in the head!” He taps a fork on the tea kettle to accentuate his remark.
“Well, that’s just the point,” I explain with frustration, “you see, sometimes you need to make a hole in someone’s head to fix them up.”
“I’ve never met anyone so silly as a neurosurgeon!” the Mad Hatter scoffs.
App God
Nov 12, 2017 – Rap Parody Filmed on Dartmouth Campus
“Look, I was gonna go easy on you and not to hurt your feelings
But until April 1st, I’m only going to get this one chance
Too generic, I can feel it
Don’t buy the sweatshirt, you’re not getting into Dartmouth, and I don’t know why
If that means what I think it means, you’re in trouble, big trouble,
And if you want a top ten MBA, I’m not taking any chances
Your application is due at midnight…”
Two-Point-Six
Feb 27, 2018 – Self-Published Dystopian Novel
“Five thousand credits, do I hear five thousand credits for this beautiful generator?”
The auctioneer ran his hand across the blue-ribbed frame. Fast talk hung from his untrustworthy mustache. “Folks, this is the good stuff. Steel casing, just short of 200 pounds. If I didn’t have a daughter waiting for me in the Greenhouse, I’d be bidding along with you.”
The crowd ate it up. White placards slowly began to rise. Nothing sells like a sob story, thought Rhea, her tiny frame gliding through the audience of misfits. She was disappointed that the Right Hand would send top agents on such a low-level case. If everything went according to schedule, she could have this auction wrapped up in fifteen minutes.
Threadbare
18S – CRWT 10 Portfolio Piece
When I flicker back into existence, I find myself floundering in a sea of hands. White spirits crawl all over my body, their gaping lips and long fingers brushing across my skin. Their light limbs slither through the dense liquid, gliding easily through the Basin of Souls. I am not so fortunate. My body has not reached spirit form and sticks to the thick fluid.
The current pushes us forwards and downwards, along a winding river bank, further into the expanse. The space between my ears screams from the pressure of sinking deeper into the basin. Light trickles in from the top of the pool, but it’s too difficult to strain my neck upwards. The souls deep below me are either transparent or live in total darkness.
Maybeth: A Tale of Corporate Sabotage
18S – Screenplay Adaptation of Macbeth for ENGL 51
(Dimly-lit den of debauchery where 3 witch bros in shorts and polos are sitting around a card table. Witch 3 will probably double as Lawrence. It would be ideal if they were vaping. They should have poker chips and cards.)
Witch 1
Double, Double
Witch 2
Toil and Trouble
Witch 1
Fire Burn
Witch 3
And Cauldron Bubble
All three witches cheer, drinking to it
Witch 1
Dude, you wouldn’t believe this rump-fed runion I found on Tinder the other day.
Witch 2
Didja swipe right with those pilot’s thumbs. (slapping each other on the back)
Witch 1
Like a rat, without a tail.
Ode to My Double Eyelid
May 9, 2018 – Spoken word workshop w/ Olivia Gatwood
I kept you hidden until he saw you,
My Asianness turned whiteness,
The outer covering of a banana,
He, a boy that I did not care about,
He, a boy who said things like “dude” and “bro”
But also things like:
“Have you considered eyelid surgery?”
Dartmouth Katabasis
18X – Performed live in Classical Mythology
Today, I bring a tale of Aeneas, a privileged young Dartmouth student, seeking his father in the land of the alumni. As usual, this one goes out to the muses.
So grieving, and in tears, pious Aeneas drew toward the Center for Professional Development.
Aeneas entered the unmarked building, past the gleaming Bank of America, to seek the Sibyl – feared by men. By the Delian god of prophecy, she dispersed uncanny knowledge of corporate recruiting.
Microsoft!
19X – Wicked Parody written during my summer internship
Don’t start obsessing about a load balancer
Think of what you’re gonna say to your new manager
Unless that’s opening a brand new canister
Don’t worry if you hate it
You’ll still get a paycheck
…but that’s not how I feel about
Microsoft! Please,
We’re nuts about Microsoft
In Defense of Love
20W – Original Screenplay for FILM33
MERIDEN
Jane, the last 3 years, I’ve been
so lucky to have you in my life.
LOVE (V.O.)
Oh my god, is he going to propose?
We haven’t even moved in together.
MERIDEN
You’re so beautiful and hot – and
very smart. My mother loves you, my father loves you-
Meriden’s voice trails off, but his mouth keeps moving. He is still eating while he talks.
Trojans
19S – CRWT Short Story
The dog trots back into the room. It stares at me with sallow eyes and lays down at the foot of the bed. With its shallow, wet breaths, I imagine a flashback of the girls who’ve come before, naked, panting, and repeating whatever 50 Shades of Grey shit he needs to get his rocks off.
Theo leaves me wrapped in the damp sheet.
Neverland
19S – CRWT 20 Portfolio Piece
She sucked in. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about it a million times. The possibility of a happy ever after, a wedding even. It had slipped out in her dreams and into the edges of stationary that she’d ripped up and thrown away.
Astrid looked into his clear, blue eyes. In the same way that others saw their glorious uprising, she saw pancakes turning on a griddle. She saw porcelain bathtubs and a lock on the door. Gio’s house was nothing like this. He had a mom and a dad. That was all she had wanted since she was twelve. “Cogs of the machine,” he called them. But they loved him enough to subsidize the rent for a group of street urchins.
But things were different now. While she loved Gio, she also loved the children. There wasn’t room for both of them to live a double life.
Venus in the Evening
2020 – Senior Independent Study, Speculative Fiction Manuscript
That cradle now totters in the back of our storage closets. Sister Fulla suggested burning it publicly to discourage any other ruined virgins, but the product of the union was harder to ignore.
By tradition, Hesperidan babies come into the world silently. Their infant breaths are mired with radioactive particulates and polluted dust. They wheeze and hiss, digesting each breath like a meal that needs to be chewed twice. Mothers are encouraged not to soothe them. It is a Hesperidan’s birthright to come into this world with a silent struggle.
I came out screaming, the orange sky fading into the horizon. It was the 576th volcanic winter, and I was only half-Hesperidan.