Alejandra's journey from Rosario, Argentina to Chicago, IL
Peer Review
4 thoughts on “Peer Review”
Great job! The first person narrative really helps me understand her voice. A couple of things I would think about.
1. Maybe more media — music, videos — I know you mentioned that she may not want her own photographs on the page but some other media could help lend visuals to her story
2. It might be interesting to have a page where you explain that the whole thing is in her voice and that it all came from your interview transcript because for me it was a little confusing as to whether it was all essentially her speaking or if there was any editing that you did. There are some parts where the tense changes which would make sense if she was speaking because people sometimes do that, but it might be good to kind of explain that.
Overall great job — the story is interesting and you cover a wide variety of topics!
Some parts of the story need some images just to drive some of the points home. However, I know you are working with stock images, so I guess it’s something to consider.
The voice is pretty free and you can actually hear someone talking to you. However, some spots, e.g. the Belonging in Chicago could use a little bit more editing from you because it reads very chaotically, like a stream of consciousness. If that’s the point, i’d say leave it there though.
Minor correction: costumbres similares, pathologizing
Other point is the alignign of text in Raising a Child… it’s very centered while the other pages are to the left. Check on that.
The other pages need some more development, I am guessing you are working on it—we all are… :p
Oh! And take the comments box out of the pages outside of the peer review, I’ve seem most people don’t have them, and I think it reads better that way.
One of the things I suggest is making the text boxes a bit larger. You want to make it an impact and the text size doesn’t seem much larger than text you use for the rest of the page. Also, make sure that your text is adjusted to the left margin. In leaving Argentina section, part of your text is centered. Otherwise, I really am pleased with your oral history. Your use of voice is well placed and not intrusive. Good job!
Great job! The first person narrative really helps me understand her voice. A couple of things I would think about.
1. Maybe more media — music, videos — I know you mentioned that she may not want her own photographs on the page but some other media could help lend visuals to her story
2. It might be interesting to have a page where you explain that the whole thing is in her voice and that it all came from your interview transcript because for me it was a little confusing as to whether it was all essentially her speaking or if there was any editing that you did. There are some parts where the tense changes which would make sense if she was speaking because people sometimes do that, but it might be good to kind of explain that.
Overall great job — the story is interesting and you cover a wide variety of topics!
Hi Nerina,
Some parts of the story need some images just to drive some of the points home. However, I know you are working with stock images, so I guess it’s something to consider.
The voice is pretty free and you can actually hear someone talking to you. However, some spots, e.g. the Belonging in Chicago could use a little bit more editing from you because it reads very chaotically, like a stream of consciousness. If that’s the point, i’d say leave it there though.
Minor correction: costumbres similares, pathologizing
Other point is the alignign of text in Raising a Child… it’s very centered while the other pages are to the left. Check on that.
The other pages need some more development, I am guessing you are working on it—we all are… :p
Oh! And take the comments box out of the pages outside of the peer review, I’ve seem most people don’t have them, and I think it reads better that way.
—Emmi
One of the things I suggest is making the text boxes a bit larger. You want to make it an impact and the text size doesn’t seem much larger than text you use for the rest of the page. Also, make sure that your text is adjusted to the left margin. In leaving Argentina section, part of your text is centered. Otherwise, I really am pleased with your oral history. Your use of voice is well placed and not intrusive. Good job!
I tried to make the text boxes bigger. It seems like it is improved but let me know if I should make them still bigger! Thanks for your feedback.