Pre-Departure:

1I get nervous about hiking alone. I’m always talking and I can’t be without my friends for even five or et

ix hours. Who will I talk to? I’ll go crazy, right? The prospect of hiking alone causes more anxiety than joy. Why am I even doing this?

2I forget a lot of things- I forget the extra water, the food, the extra windbreaker. I ask someone else to bring something for me. I don’t need to remember everything because I always have a fallback option. That’s the beauty of working in a team, right?

3I use being small as an excuse. “I have short legs.” “I can’t reach that.” “I’m not very strong.” I kind of like being small- it’s cute and it’s playful. I don’t think about standing up for myself because I’m always surrounded by people who will look out for me.

4I’m always in a good mood because I don’t have the time and energy for thoughtful reflection. It’s easier to “fake it until I make it.” If there is something challenging going on in my life, I just distract myself until I can bury the issue- it’s not hard to do. I’m always super busy and I definitely give the illusion of someone who has their life together.

5I hate the sound of silence. In fact, it makes me so uncomfortable that I will say something just to cover up the possibility that nothing is said at all. I don’t mind sounding awkward. As long as there is noise and chatter and some sense of bustle, I’m happy.

Post-Departure

1I’m confident in my ability to handle myself when alone. I feel empowered when I am by myself. I depend on myself, which is a deeply satisfying feeling.

2When I’m alone, I challenge myself to think about the things that bother me. I’m comfortable crying and yelling. There isn’t anything wrong with having tough thoughts, as long as there is some sort of productive mechanism for dealing with them. Repressing tough thoughts with constant social interaction is NOT a productive method.

3I love hiking by myself – occasionally I even crave solitude. When I am around people for too long, I feel overwhelmed. Instead of making awkward conversation, I check in with myself and realize when I’ve exceeded my limit of social interaction for a bit. I know when to step up and when to step back. For me, stepping back means retreating into the wilderness.

4I don’t forget the things I need- I am a scrupulous planner when I need to be. I don’t like to be “hyper-organized” and I associate such with stress. However, when I’m getting ready for a hike, I carefully take stock of my materials and I think about what I might be forgetting beforehand. I don’t expect someone else to provide for me- that’s far too audacious.

5I am self reinforcing. I am not validated by other’s judgments about my body, my size, or my strength. If I think I can do something, I am capable of achieving it. Being small is no longer a crutch. I can appreciate myself and my personhood and my capable body.

6I am excited to get outside more and to continue pushing my limits. I love the feeling of working hard and meeting goals in the outdoors. I exercise for solitude and for fitness.