11/15/22

Sometimes I like to wallow. Sometimes I like to feel bad. Sometimes I want to feel all of the emotions. I want to lash out in my behavior. I want to upset others. I want to fuck shit up. I am angry at the work and want to fuck shit up. Badly. I feel so fucked rn.

I don’t even know why 

I should feel better

I should should should should

Kill myself

Scream in the woods

Push away everyone I love

Cry and sob 

Have a panic attack

Give up on life

I am so so tired

And stressed

And I don’t want to do any of it

I want to be a buzzkill

I want to ruin someones day

I want to make someone feel bad about themselves

I want to take the system by its neck and absolutely destroy it

Whos to say they are real

Probably just another projection of my mind

Whos to say any of them are real people with real feelings

Maybe I created this peace of shit world just to punish myself

Because i deserve it

Because I did something fucked in a past life 

Maybe I want to dwell in hopelessness

Maybe I don’t want to get better

What are you gonna do about it

No one can help me if I don’t let them

I cant help myself either

I keep trying

And im so tired of trying