A screenshot of the menu and header of a page in the conference draft.
Comments
Michael: As I mentioned in our group conference, the audio comment above constitutes my main feedback. Below are some scattered notes that served as a foundation for the audio comment. Use it at your own risk! Really interesting and fun project. argument/structure: – you occasionally seem caught between giving a tour and offering claims; (see the end of where we are). – might want to think about finding a way to offer a more focused lens section; creating some kind of clear synthesis of Oldenburg/fleming/Salovey might make the projects’ ideas more accessible. – The audio offers the clearest perspective on your purpose. Can you find a way to make it clearer to a viewer what the audio is for? x. Here’s a clip might become….the space is used for practice….that might be followed by analysis of how practice is related to third spaces. x. you’ll want some redundancy across the media (so, at least asking the key question or advancing the key claim just below the intro audio tour seems important. x. might use fleming as an opening gambit to ask the big questions? You kind of start doing that in “creative space”. – Home page needs more initial shared context; Or, you want to focus on broader questions and end by pointint to this particular case (see the Names vs. nothing episode as an example) – some really great interactive/accessible features –> the quiz; the audio interludes; the rich photographs [emerging motive like mechanisms: a. Yale prof calls for students to find 3rd spaces; here’s one place for D b. This place, like many places, has potential to provide an important social function, but it’s not doing it often; naming it will help odds/ends: – who is Buzz Yudell?
Plan for Revision
My plan for revision after the conference draft was to really tighten up my website and make everything more logical and redundant so that the claim and evidence supporting it is available everywhere on the website. Things that I tried to do were:
- Add More Logical titles and rearrange menus to match the order of my claim
- Create redundancy across different media. For example, if I had a picture on a page, I would make sure to also have prose that explained that picture and supported its reason for being there
- Make my argument clearer by sticking to a motive formula that I was able to repeat in my audio abstract, introduction page, and website as a whole
- Took out unnecessary media and added new things that helped my case
- Add a starting introduction page to draw my audience into the claims and offer shared context for people outside of Dartmouth