“There was always a lot of love– a lot of love. We give kisses, respect our elders…”           – My Mother

Love: My home is overflowing with love. Every night, my brother and I wriggle under the covers between both my parents in their California King and watch our favorite TV shows or the new movie Dad downloaded before bed. We’ve always known that the first thing you do when you say hello is “give kiss” and the best way to feel better is hugs from Mom. Whenever we’re stressed, sick or scared from the movie we had just watched, my mother sits next to us before bed, runs her fingers along our eyebrows or our back and makes a low “sh” noise until we fall asleep. My parents tucked me in every day until I moved far enough away that they physically could not because “you always go to sleep making sure the people you love know you love them.” This constant, unwavering, growing love has insulated me so well that I don’t think there’s anything I can’t face. Regardless of what happens in my day, whether I have drama with friends or received a grade I did not want, I know my father will have a new movie queued and my mother will be at the edge of my bed until I fall asleep– and that makes it all okay. This safety net not only taught me to be affectionate with those I care about, but also that it’ll all be okay in the end because I know that I am never alone in life’s daily battles and that makes it all a lot less scary.

“There was always a lot of humor in the house. You know, we’d all engage in making fun of each other– but it was funny.” – My Father

Humor: There is never a shortage of laughter in my home. One day, my boyfriend turned to me after a family dinner concerned and said, “Ave, is that normal or are they mad at you? You’re all so mean to each other. You just pick out all the worst things and you really go at them.” I’d never realized how all of our jokes were rooted in critiques– of appearance, mentality, actions, anything. We’ve always made fun of each other, whether it was my “thunder thighs”, Jackson’s toothless grin or the way my father can’t concentrate on the dinner conversation until the food arrives. In reflection, this has cultivated the development of thick skin and a cool demeanor. Not only can my brother and I take a verbal punch, but we can dish it out with the same ferocity. Furthermore, this isn’t only a playground weapon but has also made an appearance in almost every other aspect of our lives. Whether its a snide comment, a bad grade or simply an onslaught of stress, we’ve learned to take on a laissez faire attitude. Like my mother always says, “Acknowledge it. Do everything you can to fix it. But don’t worry about the past mistakes leading up to it, because you can’t go back it time.” Or more simply, like my dad puts it, “It’s a waste of headspace.” In learning to joke about our own insecurities, we’ve learned to trivialize what we cannot change and focus our attention on what we can.