Lyam: Can you both define what marriage means to you?

Jorge: Alright, I’ll go first. It defines commitment to a union and family development in a way that other relationships do not. In that, it makes sure that both members of the relationship are comfortable with the commitment ahead. So, when you’re dating someone you’re getting to know each other, getting to know personal goals, and assessing if the individual goals are aligned. When you get married you assessed that the goals are aligned and you want to spend the rest of your life together.

Leyner: To me, when I think of marriage I think of a life long commitment. The goal of a relationship to both parties involved. It means family and that when you decide to get married you decide to form a union and build a family with the goal of growing the family and become one sole entity. It’s just plain commitment when it comes to navigating the good and the bad challenges and opportunities as a couple and support each other. Basically, grow old together. And as a gay couple it also represents that we are legal, represents that if we have to go through any legal battle or challenge we can do so as any other couple who has their rights supported by the state.

Lyam: Why did you decide to get married in the first place? And did you always want to? 

Jorge: I always wanted to. We made the decision to get married because we wanted to show a higher level of commitment to each and, also, for family planning purposes we personally didn’t know if we had to pursue an adoption process. When you follow an adoption process they do want to see that there has been a union. They want to see that you and I have been together and they want to see legal documents so that they would be better able to see and prove [commitment]. Those were the main reasons.

Leyner: For my end I want to echo that. Marriage in my mind also means a legal component, not only for family planning reasons, but for retirement and if anything happens in the future

Lyam: Do you feel there are predetermined roles in your marriage?

Jorge: I dont think we gave that a thought preemptively. things fell into place. We lived together before we got married and went through residency training together. So when we got married a lot of those things were already defined by working collectively. For example, I hate planning vacations and Leyner loves it. So we did not predetermine who was going to be doing that.

Leyner: i think finances are something a lot of couples struggle with but since we lived together before that helped define how we handled our things as a couple. Nothing changed after marriage.

Lyam: Did religion have a place in your marriage or your decision to get married?

Jorge: I do have a believe in god and like the concept of our children having a more active role in religion than we have. But it was definitely not one of the main reasons we got married. We did not get married by the church and don’t have any plans to do that. We’ve talked about baptizing Valentina but related to marriage the answer is no.

Leyner: I agree, not whatsoever. You have to understanding we have our practices and beliefs but we come from houses that did not have a structure. Both of our parents did not have that structure either. Religion doesn’t play a role. When I think of marriage I think more of the legal side than of the spiritual one

Jorge: It goes without mentioning that there are significant barriers for a gay couple to get married in the church and that has definitely played a part in our decision.

Lyam: Do you think your marriage is different from heterosexual marriages? Do you feel a different sense of value for it?

Jorge: it is definitely different in many ways. For me personally I tend to value it a little bit more because I understand how lucky I was to be able to make it work despite all the barriers. I think retrospectively I would’ve worried less about finding married because I know that those e individuals have more options. That might be a stereotype that I wrongfully put on heterosexual people. So it is different in that way, in how public you can be about it, the extent into how you can bring personal things into your professional lives. Is it more meaningful? That s a difficult question and i would definitely feel selfish if i said it way. But looking at it in a broader spectrum if you have to work harder for something you tend to be more grateful for it. To give you an analogy, asa migrant you’re constantly comparing your live in your previous country and are a lot more grateful for every single thing you encounter in a new country. So I think gay marriages tend to appreciate it more just because of the struggles you have to go through to get there.

Lyam: So what role did children and family have in your marriage?

Leyner: From my point of view, they both play an important role. As a couple it’s been very important. Even in our first day we talked about having a family and it’s been an important point of view in the relationship. We’re both very family oriented, we came back to Miami to be closer to our parents and family. We’ve both made sacrifices to be closer to our families. They’ve helped in any ways and we’re definitely a family centered marriage that counts on the support of our families to raise our daughter. Family has always played a huge role in our marriage.

Lyam: Why do you marriage exists and is it natural? 

Jorge: I think it’s a way to formalize a human behavior that is very natural and that has many consequences. I think it’s a way to recognize a natural human behavior. We see it in animals and I think it’s natural for humans.

Leyner: I would agree. I think marriage is the formalization of a union between individuals and it’s something society has establish whether through church or government. I think it’s something (the union) is a natural thing to create a family and to progress society. But it’s also something that has been imposed onto individuals who don’t want to get married.