Below is the transcript of Lauren’s interview with her parents, who have been married for 27 years. They provided some insights into how marriage norms have changed in the US over the past 25 years, as well as some of the driving forces of marriage in US culture.

[Lauren]: Why did you decide to get married?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: You find a person who is your best friend and realize you want to spend a lot of time with that person.  So, love and friendship are the main components of marriage.  At that point,  you realize you are connected to somebody in a certain way, and that leads to the revelation that marriage is the way you’ll always stay connected.  I view marriage as a binding contract which you enter, and from there you go!

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: You made it sound like a business transaction (laughs).

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: That’s my answer. It’s about friendship and love.

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: It used to be more on the man’s part because he’s the one who had to make the decision, ask your parents, and buy the ring.  We obviously talked extensively about it, but it used to be that the man had to initiate the formality of it.  We discussed love and marriage and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

[Lauren]: Do you think marriage should come at a critical point in mental maturation and neural development? Is there an appropriate age at which marriage can and should occur?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: No, I don’t.  The definition of getting married is so complex nowadays.  No longer is it considered something that you enter into at a certain age, which would be in your 20s after you come out of college and get a good job.  That doesn’t really happen anymore.

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: I think more and more people are putting marriage on hold.  It’s more common to get higher levels of education now, so the average age is definitely higher.

[Lauren]: Well, was that important to you guys? Did you feel like you had to have your professional lives set before entering marriage?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: No, I don’t think so.

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: I was flexible with my career.  We wanted Dad to finish his residency before we got married, but we didn’t want to wait that long. We had a very long engagement to begin with, and he still had 8 months left in his residency, so we just didn’t want to wait any longer than that.

[Lauren]: Recently in the news, Scarlett Johansen claimed that monogamy in our current times is unnatural.  What do you think about this?

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: I don’t know if this generation is willing to work as hard as previous generations. I feel like this generation is used to immediate gratification, and the second something doesn’t go right they’re not necessarily willing to work to fix it, especially in relationships.

[Lauren]: How did religion and your belief system play a role in your decision to get married?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: It’s a sacrament, and luckily, we both believe in the sanctity of marriage. We’re fortunate to both come from similar religious backgrounds, so we were on the same page in the way we viewed marriage from a religious perspective.

[Lauren]: Do you think marriage marked a transition in your relationship from more of a love/romance focus to more of an attachment?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: The sense of attachment definitely became stronger after marriage.

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: Relationships are constantly changing and evolving.  As you have children, it changes.  As you age, it changes.  Your needs become different.  Yeah, at the beginning, it’s novel and romantic and very physical, and then by the time you get to this point, it’s more just contentment, comfort, and familiarity.

[Lauren]: Would you say marriage has had a positive effect on your health and wellbeing?

[Doug, Lauren’s Dad]: Mental health wise, it’s very important to have a companion and somebody who cares deeply for you.  You know when that person is sad, and you know when that person is happy.  It’s really important.

[Lauren]: Did childrearing factor into your decision to get married?

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: Yes, we talked about that!  

[Lauren]: When you married Dad, did you think about how you were marrying into his family and extending your own?

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: I probably didn’t realize the extent to which it would affect me.  A lot of it depends on geography and where you end up residing.  Because we moved up north, his family became a much bigger part of my life than I realized it would.

[Lauren]: Any last words?

[Kim, Lauren’s Mom]: As a society, I feel like we need marriage. It’s something to aspire to.  Without it, there wouldn’t be a common goal for people.  Without marriage, what would everybody aspire to?  Would you just keep on dating forever?